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I Feel Like a Loser
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 599137" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think it happens a lot in families of difficult children because there are usually many in the same family. Your sister could be one. I don't care how much she makes an hour. Who is she to judge you regarding your child and to tell you he' snot using drugs? But difficult children do tend to cause rifts in families where there are already a lot of enmeshed people (not healthy) or in families where there are other difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Your sister's opinion or activities have nothing to do with whether or not you are a "loser." "Loser" is in the eyes of the beholder. People who post here know that a difficult child can pop up from even the best family and we'd never think of you as a loser because you happened to raise a child who, as an adult, made bad choices. That's on him. Unless you plow him with alcohol and force him to use spice, HE is the one doing the self-destructive things, not you. </p><p></p><p>Do you really want to go on a trip with a judgmental person? Sister or not, she is self-righteous and judgmental about your situation which in my opinion makes her a difficult child herself. You may need to learn to detach from all judgmental people, which means take their opinions with a grain of salt. You can't control what other people think and it is really unimportant. If Sis wants to hurt you because of your difficult child, which doesn't make much sense, it's best if you can just think "oh, well. Too bad, but I have other people in my life, not just Sis." DNA alone does not make a good friend or a wonderful support system. I have learned this first hand.</p><p></p><p>Your son could be troubled for a million different reasons. You are not the only person he has had in his life. His peers are possibly the ones who talked him into the drugs. Or the girlfriend. Did you tell him to take drugs? I didn't think so.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend going to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. I have started to go again myself and you can see if it helps you. It does me! You don't have to speak if you don't want to. You can just go, sit in, and listen. Nobody there will judge you. And it doesn't cost anything. This is my second round with Twleve Step and it helped me right away, although I am just starting my second round and am still struggling. But after each meeting, I feel a reprieve. And I'm determined to nail those twelve steps again...they are VERY much a group-speak learning about taking care of OURSELVES and DETACHING from the choices others make, and that would include your sister.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs and this is NOT your fault. If sister doesn't think your doing things right, that is only her opinion...doesn't make her right...and in my opinion you should move on to supportive family and friends rather than focusing on her judgment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 599137, member: 1550"] I think it happens a lot in families of difficult children because there are usually many in the same family. Your sister could be one. I don't care how much she makes an hour. Who is she to judge you regarding your child and to tell you he' snot using drugs? But difficult children do tend to cause rifts in families where there are already a lot of enmeshed people (not healthy) or in families where there are other difficult children. Your sister's opinion or activities have nothing to do with whether or not you are a "loser." "Loser" is in the eyes of the beholder. People who post here know that a difficult child can pop up from even the best family and we'd never think of you as a loser because you happened to raise a child who, as an adult, made bad choices. That's on him. Unless you plow him with alcohol and force him to use spice, HE is the one doing the self-destructive things, not you. Do you really want to go on a trip with a judgmental person? Sister or not, she is self-righteous and judgmental about your situation which in my opinion makes her a difficult child herself. You may need to learn to detach from all judgmental people, which means take their opinions with a grain of salt. You can't control what other people think and it is really unimportant. If Sis wants to hurt you because of your difficult child, which doesn't make much sense, it's best if you can just think "oh, well. Too bad, but I have other people in my life, not just Sis." DNA alone does not make a good friend or a wonderful support system. I have learned this first hand. Your son could be troubled for a million different reasons. You are not the only person he has had in his life. His peers are possibly the ones who talked him into the drugs. Or the girlfriend. Did you tell him to take drugs? I didn't think so. I highly recommend going to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. I have started to go again myself and you can see if it helps you. It does me! You don't have to speak if you don't want to. You can just go, sit in, and listen. Nobody there will judge you. And it doesn't cost anything. This is my second round with Twleve Step and it helped me right away, although I am just starting my second round and am still struggling. But after each meeting, I feel a reprieve. And I'm determined to nail those twelve steps again...they are VERY much a group-speak learning about taking care of OURSELVES and DETACHING from the choices others make, and that would include your sister. Big hugs and this is NOT your fault. If sister doesn't think your doing things right, that is only her opinion...doesn't make her right...and in my opinion you should move on to supportive family and friends rather than focusing on her judgment. [/QUOTE]
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