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I feel stuck
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 745110" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Missy, regardless of what problems your son has, two things remain true:</p><ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">He is going to have to find a way to be independent somehow, because you aren’t going to be here to take care of him forever. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">YOU deserve and need joy and happiness in your own life. You cannot sacrifice everything for an adult child. </li> </ol><p>I agree with overcome - he needs to become independent, the sooner the better. And you need to move on with your life and do what you need to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You are a mother, but we are not put on this earth solely to sacrifice for our children, especially once they are adults. We are allowed to want things for ourselves, too.</p><p></p><p>Your son has a lot going for him. He can work and earn money. He knows the cause of the seizures and how to prevent them. He is capable of moving out and taking care of himself. And if he chooses NOT to take care of himself when he is on his own, that is not your fault or your problem to fix. He may need to see a counselor to get tot the root of this problem so he can move on. But at some point, that has to happen. Many people with disabilities worse than your son’s live independently. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, it is YOUR home. You have done your son a favor by allowing him to live there while he recovers, which is wonderful. I probably would have done the same. But I don’t think it’s fair to you to sacrifice your relationship for him. It was our boyfriend’s home before your son was there. In my opinion, if you want him back and he wants to come back, that should happen. If your son is uncomfortable with this, he can work harder on getting ready to move out to a place that is his. He should not dictate who can and can’t live there or what guests you can have over. He should never have brought another person in to live there! Let go of this idea that you ‘don’t want your son to be uncomfortable in his own home.” It is not his home. It is your boyfriend and partner, if he moves back in, who should have rights to feel comfortable in the home that was also his. </p><p></p><p>This is hard stuff. I hope you have someone you can talk to. Are you seeing a counselor? Is your son? </p><p></p><p>Big hugs to you. You have a lot going for you, as does your son, and I believe you can both get through this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 745110, member: 23349"] Missy, regardless of what problems your son has, two things remain true: [LIST=1] [*]He is going to have to find a way to be independent somehow, because you aren’t going to be here to take care of him forever. [*]YOU deserve and need joy and happiness in your own life. You cannot sacrifice everything for an adult child. [/LIST] I agree with overcome - he needs to become independent, the sooner the better. And you need to move on with your life and do what you need to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You are a mother, but we are not put on this earth solely to sacrifice for our children, especially once they are adults. We are allowed to want things for ourselves, too. Your son has a lot going for him. He can work and earn money. He knows the cause of the seizures and how to prevent them. He is capable of moving out and taking care of himself. And if he chooses NOT to take care of himself when he is on his own, that is not your fault or your problem to fix. He may need to see a counselor to get tot the root of this problem so he can move on. But at some point, that has to happen. Many people with disabilities worse than your son’s live independently. In the meantime, it is YOUR home. You have done your son a favor by allowing him to live there while he recovers, which is wonderful. I probably would have done the same. But I don’t think it’s fair to you to sacrifice your relationship for him. It was our boyfriend’s home before your son was there. In my opinion, if you want him back and he wants to come back, that should happen. If your son is uncomfortable with this, he can work harder on getting ready to move out to a place that is his. He should not dictate who can and can’t live there or what guests you can have over. He should never have brought another person in to live there! Let go of this idea that you ‘don’t want your son to be uncomfortable in his own home.” It is not his home. It is your boyfriend and partner, if he moves back in, who should have rights to feel comfortable in the home that was also his. This is hard stuff. I hope you have someone you can talk to. Are you seeing a counselor? Is your son? Big hugs to you. You have a lot going for you, as does your son, and I believe you can both get through this. [/QUOTE]
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