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Parent Emeritus
I feel such a failure. Can we please talk?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 248539" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>in my opinion it is almost impossible for somebody who hasn't fought the demons of substance abuse (much less with one's beloved child) to really "get" why we are being tough. I understand why some may be shocked--I would have been shocked myself until I had to deal with it first hand, and saw the futility of cushioning my daughter while she was on her way to killing herself. Perhaps we do seem tough to those who have been blessed NOT to have to deal with this gut-wrenching issue. It is hard to really believe that the best thing one can do for a child is to let him hit rock bottom. So it may seem very cruel to somebody on the outside looking in. Yet it is the only thing that works--not only do you possibly help your child see that his life is going nowhere--you save yourself and your other family members. But, yeah, I see where those who have not been in our shoes would think we are being callous. In fact, in my opinion it is more callous to just give hugs and say "Oh, I understand. It's ok." Why? Because it doesn't help and may keep the parent stuck in her old ways of enabling. This advice we give is not just from us--any good addiction counseler or group would say the same thing, possibly in tougher words than we do. I'm afraid that if Stands gets too much sympathy, she may keep on enabling her son--therefore, I use tough language. Just a thought...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 248539, member: 1550"] in my opinion it is almost impossible for somebody who hasn't fought the demons of substance abuse (much less with one's beloved child) to really "get" why we are being tough. I understand why some may be shocked--I would have been shocked myself until I had to deal with it first hand, and saw the futility of cushioning my daughter while she was on her way to killing herself. Perhaps we do seem tough to those who have been blessed NOT to have to deal with this gut-wrenching issue. It is hard to really believe that the best thing one can do for a child is to let him hit rock bottom. So it may seem very cruel to somebody on the outside looking in. Yet it is the only thing that works--not only do you possibly help your child see that his life is going nowhere--you save yourself and your other family members. But, yeah, I see where those who have not been in our shoes would think we are being callous. In fact, in my opinion it is more callous to just give hugs and say "Oh, I understand. It's ok." Why? Because it doesn't help and may keep the parent stuck in her old ways of enabling. This advice we give is not just from us--any good addiction counseler or group would say the same thing, possibly in tougher words than we do. I'm afraid that if Stands gets too much sympathy, she may keep on enabling her son--therefore, I use tough language. Just a thought... [/QUOTE]
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I feel such a failure. Can we please talk?
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