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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 619295" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>Hey WF....congratulations! you took a major step toward freeing yourself of a lot of stress and heartache...I'm sorry it had to come to this but having just reached the same place about a month ago, I can tell you that it won't take long before the shock wears off and you start crying all the time...be kind to yourself, like COM was suggesting- read books, do a lot of soul searching, give yourself the time and space to do that...i've even start restorative yoga which seems to help me release some of the bad feelings pint up inside...your difficult child sounds like a lot of ours and my guess is he's a master manipulator of you...he knows the buttons to push to make you feel guilty and accept him back/give him what he wants and he will be punching them soon...if he's like my difficult child, he doesn't believe you'll stick up for yourself and he will keep trying to wiggle his way back to your home...the stronger you put your boundaries down NOW, the better it will be for you because as he tests your boundaries, it can be hard for you to maintain them, particularly if you don't have a local support system...my husband has been my rock throughout the past 6 weeks, do you have a friend/SO like that you can confide in?</p><p> </p><p>if you don't want the expense of changing locks (which I know isn't cheap), you can consider changing up your routine for a time...maybe leave the house a little earlier each day and stop with your easy child and get some breakfast...come home at different times, make it hard for him to find you...a restraining order is free and though it's a step that makes me feel awful to think about for myself (haven't gone there yet), it is a very good option...he was very violent and if he were to show up again high on something or really pissed that you're not letting him manipulate you, it'd be nice to have that protection in place...another cheap strategy (not even sure if money is an issue but it often is)-- put a latch on the door so even if he has a key, he'd have to knock the door down to get in the windows...if you have sliding glass doors, put sticks in them so they can't be opened...let neighbors know (if you feel comfortable doing so) so they can help keep a look out for him and know he's not a welcome site right now..</p><p> </p><p>one last thing I wanted to say...I was trying to have breakfast with my son and do miss him terribly...I've met him twice and it was ok but it's really hard to see him at this point...he's blaming me for everything, really angry, wants money, and can't see past his own nose to understand that maybe I'm not all that happy to be graced with his presence for breakfast ...I stopped doing breakfast for awhile now...haven't seen him in about 3 1/2 weeks...it's made it easier to detach in some ways and harder too but at least I don't have to meet him in public right now and pretend like we're a 'normal' family chatting away...I've decided to wait a while longer before trying to do that again...give him time to figure out what he's doing with his life (and whether I mean anything to him to initiate a meeting) and give me space to detach.....that's hard to do and a long, tough process that folks here are at varying stages of conquering -- some days are harder than others but on those days, take it minute by minute if you have to just to get through the day...</p><p> </p><p>All the best to you and your easy child...I'm sure he's upset by this too (and relieved?) so maybe a movie or two out when difficult child wouldn't expect you to be gone is a good way to get your mind off things!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 619295, member: 17503"] Hey WF....congratulations! you took a major step toward freeing yourself of a lot of stress and heartache...I'm sorry it had to come to this but having just reached the same place about a month ago, I can tell you that it won't take long before the shock wears off and you start crying all the time...be kind to yourself, like COM was suggesting- read books, do a lot of soul searching, give yourself the time and space to do that...i've even start restorative yoga which seems to help me release some of the bad feelings pint up inside...your difficult child sounds like a lot of ours and my guess is he's a master manipulator of you...he knows the buttons to push to make you feel guilty and accept him back/give him what he wants and he will be punching them soon...if he's like my difficult child, he doesn't believe you'll stick up for yourself and he will keep trying to wiggle his way back to your home...the stronger you put your boundaries down NOW, the better it will be for you because as he tests your boundaries, it can be hard for you to maintain them, particularly if you don't have a local support system...my husband has been my rock throughout the past 6 weeks, do you have a friend/SO like that you can confide in? if you don't want the expense of changing locks (which I know isn't cheap), you can consider changing up your routine for a time...maybe leave the house a little earlier each day and stop with your easy child and get some breakfast...come home at different times, make it hard for him to find you...a restraining order is free and though it's a step that makes me feel awful to think about for myself (haven't gone there yet), it is a very good option...he was very violent and if he were to show up again high on something or really pissed that you're not letting him manipulate you, it'd be nice to have that protection in place...another cheap strategy (not even sure if money is an issue but it often is)-- put a latch on the door so even if he has a key, he'd have to knock the door down to get in the windows...if you have sliding glass doors, put sticks in them so they can't be opened...let neighbors know (if you feel comfortable doing so) so they can help keep a look out for him and know he's not a welcome site right now.. one last thing I wanted to say...I was trying to have breakfast with my son and do miss him terribly...I've met him twice and it was ok but it's really hard to see him at this point...he's blaming me for everything, really angry, wants money, and can't see past his own nose to understand that maybe I'm not all that happy to be graced with his presence for breakfast ...I stopped doing breakfast for awhile now...haven't seen him in about 3 1/2 weeks...it's made it easier to detach in some ways and harder too but at least I don't have to meet him in public right now and pretend like we're a 'normal' family chatting away...I've decided to wait a while longer before trying to do that again...give him time to figure out what he's doing with his life (and whether I mean anything to him to initiate a meeting) and give me space to detach.....that's hard to do and a long, tough process that folks here are at varying stages of conquering -- some days are harder than others but on those days, take it minute by minute if you have to just to get through the day... All the best to you and your easy child...I'm sure he's upset by this too (and relieved?) so maybe a movie or two out when difficult child wouldn't expect you to be gone is a good way to get your mind off things! [/QUOTE]
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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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