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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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<blockquote data-quote="WaveringFaith" data-source="post: 619324" data-attributes="member: 17636"><p>Good morning and thank you all for your encouragement! Yesterday was absolutely the longest day of my life. Not knowing where my difficult child went to, knowing he was unstable when he walked out the door and knowing he had nothing to start his journey (other than his anger towards me). I tried to detach and focus on little one. When we drove home after school, he noticed difficult child's car wasn't in the driveway and quickly asked where he was. I told him he was finding another place to live. I saw a look of both sadness and relief on little one's face. The rest of the night I focused on him and I was amazed at how cheerful, talkative, and relaxed he was being - knowing difficult child wasn't in the house. It made me so sad that I have allowed difficult child to affect little one's happiness for so long. But I was happy to see HIM happy. We played games and had a cereal-eating contest before bed <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>I basically walked around the house aimlessly the whole evening. Just that uneasy anxious feeling that I'm sure all other mothers have felt that are in this position of not knowing where or how your difficult child is. Every car door or sound I would hear on the street made me jump, thinking it was him coming back. I had a brief phone conversation with my mom about it all. I didn't want to talk very long as I didn't want to dwell on it too long and break down. We both agreed that this had to happen and she suspected he may show up at her doorstep. Since he had destroyed his only source of communication and information - his phone. My parents house was really the only place he knew to find, without the aid of GPS on phone.</p><p> </p><p>Well, lo and behold.. around 9:30pm my mom sent me a quick email saying difficult child had just shown up there. He was walking because apparently his car broke down. The same car that my parents have kept in perfect condition all these years, now it's broken down as soon as he got a hold of it. Typical. So there my poor dad went with him to go find the car and recover his belongings from it.</p><p> </p><p>I instantly got so mad! Here I thought difficult child would see this as a breakthrough moment where he would snap and see he needs to figure out how to fend for himself. I was actually looking forwardt to seeing how he would accomplish this. Now here he was bothering my poor parents. My dad just retired on Friday of last week after 40 long years of hard work. And this is how he begins his retirement?! And my poor mom suffers terribly from rheumatoid arthritis. I hate hate hate that they are now going to be enabling him - even though they don't see it that way. I'm sure they only plan to let him stay there for a short time, but that's how it started with him staying with me. I now feel guilty for pushing him out only to now put the suffering on my parents. But clearly, that was not my intention.</p><p> </p><p>So here difficult child found another place to mooch.. the loving and doting grandparents. Where he can continue looking at me as the bad guy (I really could care less at this point), and free room and board and all the delicious home cooked meals I know my mom will cook for him. Even though she's in pain with arthritis, I know she will be cooking meals for him - that's just how she is.</p><p> </p><p>Ughh! I feel helpless in this new turn of events! I am glad he is not mooching at my house, but now feel terrible his is doing it at my parent's, which is an hour away from me. Same problem, different house. What motivation does he have to go fend for himself now? I'm so angry!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WaveringFaith, post: 619324, member: 17636"] Good morning and thank you all for your encouragement! Yesterday was absolutely the longest day of my life. Not knowing where my difficult child went to, knowing he was unstable when he walked out the door and knowing he had nothing to start his journey (other than his anger towards me). I tried to detach and focus on little one. When we drove home after school, he noticed difficult child's car wasn't in the driveway and quickly asked where he was. I told him he was finding another place to live. I saw a look of both sadness and relief on little one's face. The rest of the night I focused on him and I was amazed at how cheerful, talkative, and relaxed he was being - knowing difficult child wasn't in the house. It made me so sad that I have allowed difficult child to affect little one's happiness for so long. But I was happy to see HIM happy. We played games and had a cereal-eating contest before bed :) I basically walked around the house aimlessly the whole evening. Just that uneasy anxious feeling that I'm sure all other mothers have felt that are in this position of not knowing where or how your difficult child is. Every car door or sound I would hear on the street made me jump, thinking it was him coming back. I had a brief phone conversation with my mom about it all. I didn't want to talk very long as I didn't want to dwell on it too long and break down. We both agreed that this had to happen and she suspected he may show up at her doorstep. Since he had destroyed his only source of communication and information - his phone. My parents house was really the only place he knew to find, without the aid of GPS on phone. Well, lo and behold.. around 9:30pm my mom sent me a quick email saying difficult child had just shown up there. He was walking because apparently his car broke down. The same car that my parents have kept in perfect condition all these years, now it's broken down as soon as he got a hold of it. Typical. So there my poor dad went with him to go find the car and recover his belongings from it. I instantly got so mad! Here I thought difficult child would see this as a breakthrough moment where he would snap and see he needs to figure out how to fend for himself. I was actually looking forwardt to seeing how he would accomplish this. Now here he was bothering my poor parents. My dad just retired on Friday of last week after 40 long years of hard work. And this is how he begins his retirement?! And my poor mom suffers terribly from rheumatoid arthritis. I hate hate hate that they are now going to be enabling him - even though they don't see it that way. I'm sure they only plan to let him stay there for a short time, but that's how it started with him staying with me. I now feel guilty for pushing him out only to now put the suffering on my parents. But clearly, that was not my intention. So here difficult child found another place to mooch.. the loving and doting grandparents. Where he can continue looking at me as the bad guy (I really could care less at this point), and free room and board and all the delicious home cooked meals I know my mom will cook for him. Even though she's in pain with arthritis, I know she will be cooking meals for him - that's just how she is. Ughh! I feel helpless in this new turn of events! I am glad he is not mooching at my house, but now feel terrible his is doing it at my parent's, which is an hour away from me. Same problem, different house. What motivation does he have to go fend for himself now? I'm so angry! [/QUOTE]
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I finally kicked my unstable 20 yr old son out of my house
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