{{{Renee}}} There is nothing to hate about yourself - you are doing the best you can with what you have and know right now and that's commendable. If you had thrown in the towel and just didn't give a hoot, then I'd be worried. But you haven't.
You've come up with some reasonable rules and you're enforcing them and trying to stick with them0. That's WONDERFUL!
We all have different ideas of what another person's expectations are. You are saying "do the dishes" and she's thinking, "make everything shiny and clean-looking, especially the counters!". It is frustrating to be sure. I know that when my H cleans up after dinner, he will basically 'rinse' everything and barely use soap and uses cold water, does not wipe down the stovetop or counters and leaves puddles of water everywhere. When I follow up with some REAL cleaning he gets offended, but I don't like greasy pots and pans, puddles everwhere....know what I mean? He thinks he did an awesome job and I'm thinking, "I should have done it myself to start with!"
Same thing with my difficult child - one of her jobs is the bathroom. She always did a bad job and I'd have to follow up later. So, I finally went in there with her and showed her how to clean the bathroom so it was CLEAN and DISINFECTED, something she hadn't even considered. She just thought it needed to 'look' clean! Haha - anyway, I had to show her a few times and stand with her while she did it and she finally understood what I was looking for. by the way, she is 18 and I had to do this over the years until about 2 years ago! It took a while. I don't think there is hope for H's cleaning skills at this point, however. LOL
My point is that telling her what you want may be interpreted differently in her head. Showing her by deomonstration may be more helpful in teaching her how to go about doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen in a methodical, orderly fashion and she may understand what it is you're looking for better. It may take a few tries, but eventually I think she'll get it.
Have you set up any particular consequences for your girls?
I think the book suggestion is a great one! Hang in there~hugs.
