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I gave up yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 215038" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I am gonna give my advice from another angle. The one from the single mom who had the out of control 11 year old, and married a guy who thought he could help, despite the initial red flags flying high.</p><p></p><p>Being a single parent to these kids is the most unbelievable challenge. No support, no sounding boards, no breaks. Like your boyfriend, I had my own distinct way of parenting my child, that was at times simply a survival technique for me to get the kid to school and me to work every day. From the outside in, it is easy to judge. suggest, and criticize. But unless you have walked a mile in his shoes, be careful.</p><p></p><p>My boyfriend was great in the beginning, but already the judgment was there, him telling me how to handle certain things, him being displeased when I didn't. Unfortunately we married anyway, and he started to try and become the parent he thought my kid needed. It backfired in every way possible. I won't even go into the details - but suffice to say the whole relationship became a power struggle over how to handle my difficult child, and my difficult child became even sicker. </p><p></p><p>Your boyfriend will figure out what is best for his kid. I promise. I think it is honorable and awesome that you want to help - but trying to parent him to parent his child will not help. It will only make it worse. In my opinion, the only way things will work for you in that relationship is if you are committed to stepping back and continue to let him parent the way he has been - and only offer resources and suggestions of where he himself can get more help on parenting, therapy, or more help for his kid.</p><p></p><p>There is an esteem component to this that often goes unrealized. Think how demoralized he feels when you tell him how to parent. My self esteem and confidence was destroyed after my marriage, it took me years to trust in myself again, and believe I was a good parent, a good person. It was all just not a good path, it lead to a cliff with no way down other than to jump.</p><p>Sometime true love is letting someone go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 215038, member: 3301"] I am gonna give my advice from another angle. The one from the single mom who had the out of control 11 year old, and married a guy who thought he could help, despite the initial red flags flying high. Being a single parent to these kids is the most unbelievable challenge. No support, no sounding boards, no breaks. Like your boyfriend, I had my own distinct way of parenting my child, that was at times simply a survival technique for me to get the kid to school and me to work every day. From the outside in, it is easy to judge. suggest, and criticize. But unless you have walked a mile in his shoes, be careful. My boyfriend was great in the beginning, but already the judgment was there, him telling me how to handle certain things, him being displeased when I didn't. Unfortunately we married anyway, and he started to try and become the parent he thought my kid needed. It backfired in every way possible. I won't even go into the details - but suffice to say the whole relationship became a power struggle over how to handle my difficult child, and my difficult child became even sicker. Your boyfriend will figure out what is best for his kid. I promise. I think it is honorable and awesome that you want to help - but trying to parent him to parent his child will not help. It will only make it worse. In my opinion, the only way things will work for you in that relationship is if you are committed to stepping back and continue to let him parent the way he has been - and only offer resources and suggestions of where he himself can get more help on parenting, therapy, or more help for his kid. There is an esteem component to this that often goes unrealized. Think how demoralized he feels when you tell him how to parent. My self esteem and confidence was destroyed after my marriage, it took me years to trust in myself again, and believe I was a good parent, a good person. It was all just not a good path, it lead to a cliff with no way down other than to jump. Sometime true love is letting someone go. [/QUOTE]
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