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I gave up yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 215043" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Canthandleitanymore,</p><p></p><p>I just wanted to jump in and add my support. Others have already given you sound advice, and I think Steely's perspective as the bio-parent in this situation is very valuable.</p><p></p><p>I am like you in that I fell in love with a man who had a very troubled son. My difficult child was in his early teens when his dad and I got together, and like your boyfriend, husband was at a loss as to how to deal with him. I ended up in the role of primary disciplinarian, not so much out of choice but because it's in my nature to do so. This was with husband's full support and only AFTER difficult child had accepted me as "mom". Despite having husband's full backing, it's been a very hard road. Without it, I would have taken Little easy child and run away from home a long time ago.</p><p></p><p>I think that the neuropsychologist evaluation results are essential, to help you all figure out what's going on with B, but I agree with the others that if boyfriend is not supporting your efforts to provide discipline and structure, and is in fact undermining your efforts, then you need to step back.</p><p></p><p>Keep in mind that you need to decide what's best for you in this situation. If the best choice is for you to leave, then that's what you need to do. Don't beat yourself up, whatever you choose to do. If you do decide to stay, then you and boyfriend need to ensure that you're on the same page with respect to discipline. Not just HOW you discipline, but who delivers the message, and that you both need a united front.</p><p></p><p>I also recommend The Explosive Child. Love and Logic may also provide you some concrete ideas that you and your boyfriend might be able to put to use.</p><p></p><p>Sending many gentle hugs.</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 215043, member: 3907"] Canthandleitanymore, I just wanted to jump in and add my support. Others have already given you sound advice, and I think Steely's perspective as the bio-parent in this situation is very valuable. I am like you in that I fell in love with a man who had a very troubled son. My difficult child was in his early teens when his dad and I got together, and like your boyfriend, husband was at a loss as to how to deal with him. I ended up in the role of primary disciplinarian, not so much out of choice but because it's in my nature to do so. This was with husband's full support and only AFTER difficult child had accepted me as "mom". Despite having husband's full backing, it's been a very hard road. Without it, I would have taken Little easy child and run away from home a long time ago. I think that the neuropsychologist evaluation results are essential, to help you all figure out what's going on with B, but I agree with the others that if boyfriend is not supporting your efforts to provide discipline and structure, and is in fact undermining your efforts, then you need to step back. Keep in mind that you need to decide what's best for you in this situation. If the best choice is for you to leave, then that's what you need to do. Don't beat yourself up, whatever you choose to do. If you do decide to stay, then you and boyfriend need to ensure that you're on the same page with respect to discipline. Not just HOW you discipline, but who delivers the message, and that you both need a united front. I also recommend The Explosive Child. Love and Logic may also provide you some concrete ideas that you and your boyfriend might be able to put to use. Sending many gentle hugs. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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