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Substance Abuse
I give up....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686086" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Colleen. Nobody failed. This is real life. It does not happen in an ever-upward swing. There is stumbling and falling down and getting up.</p><p></p><p>What this site is about to me at least is recognizing that we can no longer treat our sons (I have a son, too) as little boys. My son was sweet and loving too, until he was not. Now after about 10 difficult years he is becoming sweet again. But he is no longer my little boy. He is a man.</p><p></p><p>It is not hard to guess why your younger son may be suffering. He has been in tether with his older brother and it has cost him.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you how I changed. I saw there were elephants in the room. That demanded to be seen by me, but dealt with by my son. Who needed to live his own life, deal with the consequences of his choices, and learn from them. Only then would he have skin in the game. There is failure involved until they learn, and decide to correct their course. That is what happened with my own son. He is now enrolled in a college course and seems to be trying hard. It took 7 years away from school to get this far. It was worth it. He knew best. I did not.</p><p></p><p>This is not something a parent can fix.</p><p>I believe nearly every parent on this site was a good enough parent. But I do not believe that raising children is like a piggy bank. What you put in, you do not necessarily get out. Our children are individuals. Creative, impulsive, brilliant, gifted, lazy, and every other thing. They get to pick what they do and where they go from there.</p><p></p><p>Our job is not to handle them but to get out of their way. So that they can do the job of living their lives as adult men. It is not about us. It really, really is not.</p><p>They are men now. That is the difference. Our job is to let them be men.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686086, member: 18958"] Colleen. Nobody failed. This is real life. It does not happen in an ever-upward swing. There is stumbling and falling down and getting up. What this site is about to me at least is recognizing that we can no longer treat our sons (I have a son, too) as little boys. My son was sweet and loving too, until he was not. Now after about 10 difficult years he is becoming sweet again. But he is no longer my little boy. He is a man. It is not hard to guess why your younger son may be suffering. He has been in tether with his older brother and it has cost him. I will tell you how I changed. I saw there were elephants in the room. That demanded to be seen by me, but dealt with by my son. Who needed to live his own life, deal with the consequences of his choices, and learn from them. Only then would he have skin in the game. There is failure involved until they learn, and decide to correct their course. That is what happened with my own son. He is now enrolled in a college course and seems to be trying hard. It took 7 years away from school to get this far. It was worth it. He knew best. I did not. This is not something a parent can fix. I believe nearly every parent on this site was a good enough parent. But I do not believe that raising children is like a piggy bank. What you put in, you do not necessarily get out. Our children are individuals. Creative, impulsive, brilliant, gifted, lazy, and every other thing. They get to pick what they do and where they go from there. Our job is not to handle them but to get out of their way. So that they can do the job of living their lives as adult men. It is not about us. It really, really is not. They are men now. That is the difference. Our job is to let them be men. [/QUOTE]
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