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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 555765" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I could be way off base...but between the lines? It doesn't sound like the issue here is with your son and sports at all. It sounds more like there have been things boiling and building between either you and yoru husband or something all on your husband and you both are kind of using this kid sports "thing" to vent around or about each other. It's high school sports - the kid is going to mess up, there's going to be highs and lows for him - you're both adults I "think" you both get that point. I'd say there is something else going onthat maybe you both need to air out and stop skirting the issue. (maybe?) </p><p></p><p>Sometimes for us? It was the fact that DF felt I babied Dude too much or tried to "Fix" things too much - and we didn't have sports so it wasn't sports per se - but maybe it would be his therapist oh the month......and instead of talking about the real issues------we'd deflect and when the issue of therapist came up the big BANG would come out about EVERYTHING......I this, I that.......he THIS he doesn't THAT......follow? </p><p></p><p>ANd then the claws would come out about how I too much this and he over did that. And before you know it - I think we got so off course from the original disucssion - it was like "WHAT THE ? were we talking about and how the ? did that get in the conversation?" ------and it became obvious after a while that deflecting was going on. I mean - well heck since ONE irritating subject came up lets just throw ANOTHER log on the fire......and instead of dealing with issues as they came - we'd have a big old BON FIRE.....about Dude.......and I felt like it was ROAST Dude night. So I'd go into DEFENSE mode and of course THAT got brought up that I was MOLLY CODDLING.......and well he was a n OGRE......and yeah.......sounds familiar - but after counseling? A lot of that stopped. And a good bit of it was being done by treachery and triangulation on the part of the difficult child.......TOTALLY UNAWARE of any of it. </p><p></p><p>So just FYI........thearpy taught us how to realize what was going on --------address problems as they happen.......not stew.......recognize TRIANGULATION as an art form of a difficult child........and not to pout. And how to fight fair......and not criticiize. </p><p>Oh and how to appreciate having time apart without guilt..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 555765, member: 4964"] I could be way off base...but between the lines? It doesn't sound like the issue here is with your son and sports at all. It sounds more like there have been things boiling and building between either you and yoru husband or something all on your husband and you both are kind of using this kid sports "thing" to vent around or about each other. It's high school sports - the kid is going to mess up, there's going to be highs and lows for him - you're both adults I "think" you both get that point. I'd say there is something else going onthat maybe you both need to air out and stop skirting the issue. (maybe?) Sometimes for us? It was the fact that DF felt I babied Dude too much or tried to "Fix" things too much - and we didn't have sports so it wasn't sports per se - but maybe it would be his therapist oh the month......and instead of talking about the real issues------we'd deflect and when the issue of therapist came up the big BANG would come out about EVERYTHING......I this, I that.......he THIS he doesn't THAT......follow? ANd then the claws would come out about how I too much this and he over did that. And before you know it - I think we got so off course from the original disucssion - it was like "WHAT THE ? were we talking about and how the ? did that get in the conversation?" ------and it became obvious after a while that deflecting was going on. I mean - well heck since ONE irritating subject came up lets just throw ANOTHER log on the fire......and instead of dealing with issues as they came - we'd have a big old BON FIRE.....about Dude.......and I felt like it was ROAST Dude night. So I'd go into DEFENSE mode and of course THAT got brought up that I was MOLLY CODDLING.......and well he was a n OGRE......and yeah.......sounds familiar - but after counseling? A lot of that stopped. And a good bit of it was being done by treachery and triangulation on the part of the difficult child.......TOTALLY UNAWARE of any of it. So just FYI........thearpy taught us how to realize what was going on --------address problems as they happen.......not stew.......recognize TRIANGULATION as an art form of a difficult child........and not to pout. And how to fight fair......and not criticiize. Oh and how to appreciate having time apart without guilt.. [/QUOTE]
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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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