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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 555791" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>New day, sun did rise like I told difficult child. Not that he feels like that. But this was the first time he ended up to blunder reel on national television. And it did cost his team a game, and many fans of the team are totally p****ed off with him. For him it probably cost lots of playing time and ending up to bench for some time. Maybe even a stint to juniors or minors and that will be hard for his ego. Then again, they would not do that to him to be mean but to help him gain his confidence back. He got totally owned and out smarted by a veteran (who has done same move before and owned rookies with it) and difficult child is paying high price for it. But it is price he needs to pay and learn from it. If he does, it just makes him stronger. If he plans to carry on with his sport, this will not be a last time he will be the total anti-hero of the game. And there will be much bigger games he will screw up and take a blame of loosing. That is sport. But he has also every right to be upset. It is tough. I know I would be totally upset if I would make a mistake that big in my work and it certainly would not end up on telly or headlines. But yeah, he will live and learn.</p><p></p><p>But even after sleeping on it, I don't get what is going on with husband. We haven't talked again after last night. I did text him when he didn't come back to ask if he is okay. He told he would spend a night on in-laws. He had something he had to be on this morning and he had been home changing clothes while I was running with the dogs. We will have to talk later.</p><p></p><p>I did something I have really never done before. We have always had a deal we would back each other up with kids. Even if we think other one is wrong, we talk it with between us and then decide how to handle it. But I did feel he was so out of a line yesterday with difficult child that I simply couldn't back him up. So when difficult child called again this morning I did told him husband had no right to criticize difficult child's sport performance like that. And if we have spent a lot of money for difficult child's sport, it is certainly not difficult child's fault but our decision. He doesn't need to feel guilty for letting us down in this. I also told him that I don't know what has made husband so stressed out, but that difficult child shouldn't feel too bad about what husband said, that I'm sure he didn't mean to be so nasty but was just venting in bad time and that I'm sure they can work it out.</p><p></p><p>husband may be upset for me doing that but there is a line I won't let him to cross and still back him up and this was over that line. As I said, it is not our job to criticize our sons sport performances. They get critique elsewhere, our job is to support them when they are down. Only thing we could criticize would be lack of effort. And even that preferably when they are doing well. And this was not about lack of effort but reading the game wrong, making a mistake in the blink of an eye and getting outsmarted. And it wasn't like difficult child would had been calling husband to ask opinion or even to ask to be consoled. husband called him and simply started to ream him out. And that I really don't get.</p><p></p><p>But even if you forget the last night, I don't still really get husband's frustration with difficult child. I could understand it, if it would be about difficult child needing to man up. But in fact difficult child has been doing just that. It is bumpy at times, but he has been maturing and manning up and I don't really know what else husband wants from him. difficult child lives on his own. Has a job that pays his bills, other than therapy we are not paying anything for him (and if the public funding or difficult child's insurance comes through, we will not be paying that either, we will find out soon.) Graduates from school soon in planned schedule. Yes, difficult child can be a PITA, has tendency of creating drama (it's only two weeks we spend a night awake worrying because he got lost in woods etc.) and you never know with him. But all things considered difficult child is doing well, working hard and making progress.</p><p></p><p>I was also thinking if this was about money. husband has talked about it concerning difficult child a lot lately, but I don't really get it. We are in good financial position to be frank. We have no debt or mortgage. We own our house, summer cottage and boat. We have other property and long term investments. We make a comfortable living. husband career has been going well and he has not at least talked about any concerns. And even if he would lost his job, we have good unemployment benefits (we would only start to really hurt after year and half of unemployment) and he is well connected to get a new job. And if needed, we could get by with my income alone. And if we wouldn't want to modify our lifestyle to go with my income we could liquidate our long term investments. Okay, they are mostly inheritances and we would like to pass them on to next generation, but it could be done, if needed. So it can not be money per se. </p><p></p><p>When it comes to favouritism, it's quite clear easy child has always been husband's favourite. I don't know how much it is about background factors and how much it is about their personalities. I have not been happy about it, but I do take part of the blame. Those background factors are solely on me. And husband has tried to be fair in the past. I don't really know if father in law has played favourites in husband's childhood, no one has at least said so. mother in law did play favourites and still does, but husband is that favoured one.</p><p></p><p>I'm just very confused right now on what is going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 555791, member: 14557"] New day, sun did rise like I told difficult child. Not that he feels like that. But this was the first time he ended up to blunder reel on national television. And it did cost his team a game, and many fans of the team are totally p****ed off with him. For him it probably cost lots of playing time and ending up to bench for some time. Maybe even a stint to juniors or minors and that will be hard for his ego. Then again, they would not do that to him to be mean but to help him gain his confidence back. He got totally owned and out smarted by a veteran (who has done same move before and owned rookies with it) and difficult child is paying high price for it. But it is price he needs to pay and learn from it. If he does, it just makes him stronger. If he plans to carry on with his sport, this will not be a last time he will be the total anti-hero of the game. And there will be much bigger games he will screw up and take a blame of loosing. That is sport. But he has also every right to be upset. It is tough. I know I would be totally upset if I would make a mistake that big in my work and it certainly would not end up on telly or headlines. But yeah, he will live and learn. But even after sleeping on it, I don't get what is going on with husband. We haven't talked again after last night. I did text him when he didn't come back to ask if he is okay. He told he would spend a night on in-laws. He had something he had to be on this morning and he had been home changing clothes while I was running with the dogs. We will have to talk later. I did something I have really never done before. We have always had a deal we would back each other up with kids. Even if we think other one is wrong, we talk it with between us and then decide how to handle it. But I did feel he was so out of a line yesterday with difficult child that I simply couldn't back him up. So when difficult child called again this morning I did told him husband had no right to criticize difficult child's sport performance like that. And if we have spent a lot of money for difficult child's sport, it is certainly not difficult child's fault but our decision. He doesn't need to feel guilty for letting us down in this. I also told him that I don't know what has made husband so stressed out, but that difficult child shouldn't feel too bad about what husband said, that I'm sure he didn't mean to be so nasty but was just venting in bad time and that I'm sure they can work it out. husband may be upset for me doing that but there is a line I won't let him to cross and still back him up and this was over that line. As I said, it is not our job to criticize our sons sport performances. They get critique elsewhere, our job is to support them when they are down. Only thing we could criticize would be lack of effort. And even that preferably when they are doing well. And this was not about lack of effort but reading the game wrong, making a mistake in the blink of an eye and getting outsmarted. And it wasn't like difficult child would had been calling husband to ask opinion or even to ask to be consoled. husband called him and simply started to ream him out. And that I really don't get. But even if you forget the last night, I don't still really get husband's frustration with difficult child. I could understand it, if it would be about difficult child needing to man up. But in fact difficult child has been doing just that. It is bumpy at times, but he has been maturing and manning up and I don't really know what else husband wants from him. difficult child lives on his own. Has a job that pays his bills, other than therapy we are not paying anything for him (and if the public funding or difficult child's insurance comes through, we will not be paying that either, we will find out soon.) Graduates from school soon in planned schedule. Yes, difficult child can be a PITA, has tendency of creating drama (it's only two weeks we spend a night awake worrying because he got lost in woods etc.) and you never know with him. But all things considered difficult child is doing well, working hard and making progress. I was also thinking if this was about money. husband has talked about it concerning difficult child a lot lately, but I don't really get it. We are in good financial position to be frank. We have no debt or mortgage. We own our house, summer cottage and boat. We have other property and long term investments. We make a comfortable living. husband career has been going well and he has not at least talked about any concerns. And even if he would lost his job, we have good unemployment benefits (we would only start to really hurt after year and half of unemployment) and he is well connected to get a new job. And if needed, we could get by with my income alone. And if we wouldn't want to modify our lifestyle to go with my income we could liquidate our long term investments. Okay, they are mostly inheritances and we would like to pass them on to next generation, but it could be done, if needed. So it can not be money per se. When it comes to favouritism, it's quite clear easy child has always been husband's favourite. I don't know how much it is about background factors and how much it is about their personalities. I have not been happy about it, but I do take part of the blame. Those background factors are solely on me. And husband has tried to be fair in the past. I don't really know if father in law has played favourites in husband's childhood, no one has at least said so. mother in law did play favourites and still does, but husband is that favoured one. I'm just very confused right now on what is going on. [/QUOTE]
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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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