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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 555937" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>You have given me much to think about. I'm still confused what is going on and talking with husband has not much clarified things. He does admit he was out of line on yelling to difficult child about a mistake in game, but he doesn't acknowledge being short with difficult child otherwise. And he says nothing is wrong, he was just in the bad mood on Friday because he had to make a difficult decision at work (he had to let a long time subordinate go because of continuing personal problems.) Okay, I get that, but it doesn't explain the continuing trend of being very critical with difficult child. Neither does is explain the very half-a**ed apology he made for difficult child; he sent a text where he said he <strong><em>maybe</em></strong> shouldn't had yelled for him about mistakes at sport. Well that is between them, but I have to say he would never accept that kind of apology from difficult child in return.</p><p></p><p>Nancy: I thought what you said, but I have to say husband has never really been that kind of sport parent, and even less so with difficult child. He is much more involved with easy child's sport career but even with him he has always hated when parents do that. Of course our sons have not been in this kind of spotlight before. But still point of view most people have to this blunder from difficult child is to contrast experience and young talent and how this veteran (over twice difficult child's age) gave a kid a great lesson and how difficult child will likely never make a same mistake again. So while difficult child is upset and so were some of the less experienced fans of his team, most people do see it as an unavoidable rookie mistake. Nothing to be ashamed of for husband, even if he would take difficult child's performance as a reflection of himself. </p><p></p><p>IC and Janet, you gave me really a lot to think of. Maybe problem is not difficult child screwing up but him succeeding. You remember correctly Janet, difficult child is not a biological son of my husband and he is not that in the worst possible way (me cheating on him.) Our sons have always been polar opposites in some ways. difficult child has always been in trouble, always something wrong with him and easy child has always been the 'perfect' child, real golden boy who seems to excel in everything. And of course easy child is my husband's flesh and blood, difficult child genes come from somewhere else. Maybe that has made it easier for husband to handle the situation of me cheating and him having to raise an other man's son as his own. It was very difficult decision for him to stick with us when find out difficult child is not his and he has handled it with much grace, but I do get that it can not be easy for him. Maybe easy child being so much 'better' child has made it easier. And now that difficult child being a 'flashier' talent is coming more and more evident and he is getting a grip also otherwise that situation is changing. easy child is not the undeniable star of the family any more. And if husband is having that kind of feelings, he is likely feeling crabby because of it. He is a good guy, he would not like to feel that way. He really is committed to being a good dad, so feeling something like that would make him angry with himself and that could easily end up to come out as an anger towards difficult child.</p><p></p><p>I think it is better if I let things calm down, because husband really denies being harsher with difficult child in general lately and I don't think it helps any if I insist. Maybe better let him calm down some time and try to approach this trend again after that in some other way. And of course I have to accept that husband's and difficult child's relationship is between them, I'm not a party in that and it is up to them to handle it. I'm sure me nagging about husband being unfair with difficult child would not help at all but make it worse. Of course keeping my mouth shut (and not rolling my eyes either) will be a challenge...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 555937, member: 14557"] You have given me much to think about. I'm still confused what is going on and talking with husband has not much clarified things. He does admit he was out of line on yelling to difficult child about a mistake in game, but he doesn't acknowledge being short with difficult child otherwise. And he says nothing is wrong, he was just in the bad mood on Friday because he had to make a difficult decision at work (he had to let a long time subordinate go because of continuing personal problems.) Okay, I get that, but it doesn't explain the continuing trend of being very critical with difficult child. Neither does is explain the very half-a**ed apology he made for difficult child; he sent a text where he said he [B][I]maybe[/I][/B] shouldn't had yelled for him about mistakes at sport. Well that is between them, but I have to say he would never accept that kind of apology from difficult child in return. Nancy: I thought what you said, but I have to say husband has never really been that kind of sport parent, and even less so with difficult child. He is much more involved with easy child's sport career but even with him he has always hated when parents do that. Of course our sons have not been in this kind of spotlight before. But still point of view most people have to this blunder from difficult child is to contrast experience and young talent and how this veteran (over twice difficult child's age) gave a kid a great lesson and how difficult child will likely never make a same mistake again. So while difficult child is upset and so were some of the less experienced fans of his team, most people do see it as an unavoidable rookie mistake. Nothing to be ashamed of for husband, even if he would take difficult child's performance as a reflection of himself. IC and Janet, you gave me really a lot to think of. Maybe problem is not difficult child screwing up but him succeeding. You remember correctly Janet, difficult child is not a biological son of my husband and he is not that in the worst possible way (me cheating on him.) Our sons have always been polar opposites in some ways. difficult child has always been in trouble, always something wrong with him and easy child has always been the 'perfect' child, real golden boy who seems to excel in everything. And of course easy child is my husband's flesh and blood, difficult child genes come from somewhere else. Maybe that has made it easier for husband to handle the situation of me cheating and him having to raise an other man's son as his own. It was very difficult decision for him to stick with us when find out difficult child is not his and he has handled it with much grace, but I do get that it can not be easy for him. Maybe easy child being so much 'better' child has made it easier. And now that difficult child being a 'flashier' talent is coming more and more evident and he is getting a grip also otherwise that situation is changing. easy child is not the undeniable star of the family any more. And if husband is having that kind of feelings, he is likely feeling crabby because of it. He is a good guy, he would not like to feel that way. He really is committed to being a good dad, so feeling something like that would make him angry with himself and that could easily end up to come out as an anger towards difficult child. I think it is better if I let things calm down, because husband really denies being harsher with difficult child in general lately and I don't think it helps any if I insist. Maybe better let him calm down some time and try to approach this trend again after that in some other way. And of course I have to accept that husband's and difficult child's relationship is between them, I'm not a party in that and it is up to them to handle it. I'm sure me nagging about husband being unfair with difficult child would not help at all but make it worse. Of course keeping my mouth shut (and not rolling my eyes either) will be a challenge... [/QUOTE]
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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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