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I had a fight with husband over difficult child: Insights and opinions are welcome
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 556933" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Janet, my husband also loves difficult child and considers him his own, there is no question about that. I'm sure background factors bother him at times a little, but I also think that it's the other things he has more problem with difficult child. difficult child is a difficult kid and very different personality than husband. husband is very social, people and task orientated, pragmatic thinker, laid-back, friendly and 'natural leader.' He works in marketing and sales and that is perfect job for him. easy child is much like him. difficult child is anything but. Neither of them for example make friends with people like difficult child (I can't think of any of their friends being even close to similar to difficult child in personality type, if you don't count me.) difficult child is introvert, much more concerned about his inner world than outside world, socially awkward, independent, very high-strung and intense, ideological and deep thinker. difficult child often tries to come off more like husband or easy child (he seems to think that is what he should be) but that ends up into total failure every time. He does socially better then he doesn't try that but is who he is, but he doesn't seem to notice that. I'm more like difficult child but much better actor than him and I do often play a role of much more social and people person than I really am. husband simply doesn't get difficult child very well. In fact difficult child seems to understand his dad much better than other way around. But of course difficult child is still extremely immature and is unable or unwilling to use that ability to understand to help their relationship in this point. So I do think most of friction between husband and difficult child are about their personalities and about all the problems difficult child has caused and causes, not so much about husband not being a biological father. But I do get that it probably does come to husband's mind how our problem child doesn't have his genes and how much better kid the one with his genes is.</p><p></p><p>European sports system has some differences to American. Biggest is, that we don't really have college sports. Or school sports in general. And every country have slightly different systems and there is no real European wide leagues, but every country has their own (there are tournament and cup type things though between teams from different leagues.) Also the level system is different. In Europe teams can usually move between levels. Worst teams of the league can be relegates to lower level league and best teams from lower level can rise to the upper league. For example in difficult child's sport in this country there is something like seven official adult levels and teams can move between the levels. Of course no lowest level team ever rises to highest level, but at times team move between two highest level and even more often between second and third level. Two highest levels are pro series (though many players in second level do take college classes in side, because while they can live modestly with their sport salary, they don't get enough to save for after career use) and in lower ones most of the players either have a day job or are full time students. There really isn't official farm teams that much, but teams do co-operate. Typical situation is, that team like difficult child's team has contract players half more than they need. Few are rotation players who are healthy scratch and cover injuries, but many are 'long term projects' and the team loans the player to lower level team for few months or for whole season to develop. And then there are short loans (usually just few games or a week or two) to build up after injuries, to get playing time or gain back the confidence, like what happened to difficult child. He was loaned out for the two game stint. </p><p></p><p>Most young players in difficult child sport go to second level after or during their last junior years. After two or three years in second level they may get to highest level. Handful of players go to highest level straight from the juniors every year and those usually when they are still juniors. Youngest may be even 17 when they start at highest level and there and handful of 18-year-olds. Most who have a chance to become pros are already sharing their time between junior team and second level men's team when they are 18 or 19, more talented ones doing mainly second level men's team. There are many rookies in difficult child's team, who are now 21-24 and have played till now in the second level and are now ready to the highest level. In difficult child sport also position influences. There are positions there players tend to develop quicker and have much earlier career peak and then there are positions that take a longer development time and have much later career peak (and often longer career all together.) difficult child is playing the position with longest development path and latest career peak and before this stint to second level he was a real abnormality, because he didn't have even one game in second level. All the other players in the league playing the position had them, most at least two years worth, many several more years, because as I said, their development tends to take much longer than players in other positions. difficult child has been very lucky to get to the highest level team so early, but of course that gives him also more pressure and more exposure to his puppy mistakes. But he does dream on playing in even higher level leagues so he better learn to live with those things.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 556933, member: 14557"] Janet, my husband also loves difficult child and considers him his own, there is no question about that. I'm sure background factors bother him at times a little, but I also think that it's the other things he has more problem with difficult child. difficult child is a difficult kid and very different personality than husband. husband is very social, people and task orientated, pragmatic thinker, laid-back, friendly and 'natural leader.' He works in marketing and sales and that is perfect job for him. easy child is much like him. difficult child is anything but. Neither of them for example make friends with people like difficult child (I can't think of any of their friends being even close to similar to difficult child in personality type, if you don't count me.) difficult child is introvert, much more concerned about his inner world than outside world, socially awkward, independent, very high-strung and intense, ideological and deep thinker. difficult child often tries to come off more like husband or easy child (he seems to think that is what he should be) but that ends up into total failure every time. He does socially better then he doesn't try that but is who he is, but he doesn't seem to notice that. I'm more like difficult child but much better actor than him and I do often play a role of much more social and people person than I really am. husband simply doesn't get difficult child very well. In fact difficult child seems to understand his dad much better than other way around. But of course difficult child is still extremely immature and is unable or unwilling to use that ability to understand to help their relationship in this point. So I do think most of friction between husband and difficult child are about their personalities and about all the problems difficult child has caused and causes, not so much about husband not being a biological father. But I do get that it probably does come to husband's mind how our problem child doesn't have his genes and how much better kid the one with his genes is. European sports system has some differences to American. Biggest is, that we don't really have college sports. Or school sports in general. And every country have slightly different systems and there is no real European wide leagues, but every country has their own (there are tournament and cup type things though between teams from different leagues.) Also the level system is different. In Europe teams can usually move between levels. Worst teams of the league can be relegates to lower level league and best teams from lower level can rise to the upper league. For example in difficult child's sport in this country there is something like seven official adult levels and teams can move between the levels. Of course no lowest level team ever rises to highest level, but at times team move between two highest level and even more often between second and third level. Two highest levels are pro series (though many players in second level do take college classes in side, because while they can live modestly with their sport salary, they don't get enough to save for after career use) and in lower ones most of the players either have a day job or are full time students. There really isn't official farm teams that much, but teams do co-operate. Typical situation is, that team like difficult child's team has contract players half more than they need. Few are rotation players who are healthy scratch and cover injuries, but many are 'long term projects' and the team loans the player to lower level team for few months or for whole season to develop. And then there are short loans (usually just few games or a week or two) to build up after injuries, to get playing time or gain back the confidence, like what happened to difficult child. He was loaned out for the two game stint. Most young players in difficult child sport go to second level after or during their last junior years. After two or three years in second level they may get to highest level. Handful of players go to highest level straight from the juniors every year and those usually when they are still juniors. Youngest may be even 17 when they start at highest level and there and handful of 18-year-olds. Most who have a chance to become pros are already sharing their time between junior team and second level men's team when they are 18 or 19, more talented ones doing mainly second level men's team. There are many rookies in difficult child's team, who are now 21-24 and have played till now in the second level and are now ready to the highest level. In difficult child sport also position influences. There are positions there players tend to develop quicker and have much earlier career peak and then there are positions that take a longer development time and have much later career peak (and often longer career all together.) difficult child is playing the position with longest development path and latest career peak and before this stint to second level he was a real abnormality, because he didn't have even one game in second level. All the other players in the league playing the position had them, most at least two years worth, many several more years, because as I said, their development tends to take much longer than players in other positions. difficult child has been very lucky to get to the highest level team so early, but of course that gives him also more pressure and more exposure to his puppy mistakes. But he does dream on playing in even higher level leagues so he better learn to live with those things. [/QUOTE]
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