Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I had to say it...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 687703" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The betrayal here is the disrespect involved in presenting a false reality, both to himself and to you. He disrespected himself here, too. What we want for our children (and for ourselves) is to be people who take responsibility for what we've done. How can we steer our courses in life, otherwise? </p><p></p><p>Sometimes we will be wrong. We will do wrong things. If we don't admit that to ourselves, we will keep doing things the same way. It is not so easy to admit we were wrong. </p><p></p><p>I like what pasa's therapist had to say about how to respond.</p><p></p><p>It's like saying: It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>In my enabling days (Yesterday, you guys. I still struggle with enabling behaviors, and with saying no.) In my enabling days, consequences could be avoided if the story were bad enough. It was as though the kids were more concerned with my reaction than with their actions. When I was able to stop doing that, the kids (I think this is true) the kids were able to begin reclaiming their senses of integrity. When I could see what was happening the way pasa's therapist suggested, why these things happened mattered less than what actually did happen.</p><p></p><p>The thing is that there is a history here. It would be one thing if your son had called the manager and told him he was not coming back but he would see him tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>Or that he was not coming back, and he was not coming tomorrow, either. </p><p></p><p>But he left the manager hanging, too.</p><p></p><p>Why he did those things matters less than that he did not take responsibility for his decisions. I am sorry that he took the car and used it inappropriately. I think you were correct in trusting him. </p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for what he chose to do with your trust.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 687703, member: 17461"] The betrayal here is the disrespect involved in presenting a false reality, both to himself and to you. He disrespected himself here, too. What we want for our children (and for ourselves) is to be people who take responsibility for what we've done. How can we steer our courses in life, otherwise? Sometimes we will be wrong. We will do wrong things. If we don't admit that to ourselves, we will keep doing things the same way. It is not so easy to admit we were wrong. I like what pasa's therapist had to say about how to respond. It's like saying: It is what it is. In my enabling days (Yesterday, you guys. I still struggle with enabling behaviors, and with saying no.) In my enabling days, consequences could be avoided if the story were bad enough. It was as though the kids were more concerned with my reaction than with their actions. When I was able to stop doing that, the kids (I think this is true) the kids were able to begin reclaiming their senses of integrity. When I could see what was happening the way pasa's therapist suggested, why these things happened mattered less than what actually did happen. The thing is that there is a history here. It would be one thing if your son had called the manager and told him he was not coming back but he would see him tomorrow. Or that he was not coming back, and he was not coming tomorrow, either. But he left the manager hanging, too. Why he did those things matters less than that he did not take responsibility for his decisions. I am sorry that he took the car and used it inappropriately. I think you were correct in trusting him. You are not responsible for what he chose to do with your trust. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I had to say it...
Top