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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687719" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>The lying is hard for me too. I feel it as a betrayal. As an act of moral turpitude. </p><p></p><p>The little bit of insight I am gaining has to do with A Dad's post--and looking up the definition of integrity. There were two definitions of integrity. The first had to do with moral lapse or failure; the second having to do with the breaching of a whole. Like a breaching of a relationship. A division. </p><p></p><p>Lies create space between us. When we cannot trust in the whole of us. I look at it as if I cannot trust in my connectedness to my son because he has broken the trust. </p><p></p><p>But who really broke it? Was it me or him? There are lies to manipulate and to trick and to achieve advantage or gain based upon deception.</p><p></p><p>But there are lies to maintain relationship, to weave together fissures, to maintain integrity despite breaks. A net can be a way to save as well as to leak. It is my decision which way to see it.</p><p></p><p>If my son lies to protect his sense of himself, and my sense of him, he may be motivated by the latter, not the former. As a dad explains.</p><p></p><p>Have our children turned into our enemies? Plotting against us...trying to deceive us? Or do they try to save themselves and our sense of them, their connection to us.</p><p></p><p>One way to see this brings the possibility of reconciliation. The other brings greater suspicion and difference.</p><p></p><p>Is it a chicken and egg question or a way back? I do not know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687719, member: 18958"] The lying is hard for me too. I feel it as a betrayal. As an act of moral turpitude. The little bit of insight I am gaining has to do with A Dad's post--and looking up the definition of integrity. There were two definitions of integrity. The first had to do with moral lapse or failure; the second having to do with the breaching of a whole. Like a breaching of a relationship. A division. Lies create space between us. When we cannot trust in the whole of us. I look at it as if I cannot trust in my connectedness to my son because he has broken the trust. But who really broke it? Was it me or him? There are lies to manipulate and to trick and to achieve advantage or gain based upon deception. But there are lies to maintain relationship, to weave together fissures, to maintain integrity despite breaks. A net can be a way to save as well as to leak. It is my decision which way to see it. If my son lies to protect his sense of himself, and my sense of him, he may be motivated by the latter, not the former. As a dad explains. Have our children turned into our enemies? Plotting against us...trying to deceive us? Or do they try to save themselves and our sense of them, their connection to us. One way to see this brings the possibility of reconciliation. The other brings greater suspicion and difference. Is it a chicken and egg question or a way back? I do not know. [/QUOTE]
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