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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631209" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I actually think that the "you can live at home" rule should be IF HE GETS A JOB. It's not that hard to find a cashiering job at a gas station. That way you don't send him jobs or ask for proof of looking. Proof of looking should not be enough. That lets him be complacent and maybe halfheartedly try to get a job twice a week and he is still following your rule. He could and will get a job when he wants one. And, this is just my own opinion, over my dead body would I let a kid drive my car unless he put in the gas and paid his share of the insurance, and I don't care how little he makes. Running around in a car, when you substance abuse, comes to no good anyway. My kids did it when they only worked part-time in high school. No gas, no car. No your share of our insurance, no car. Your son is of age and needs to learn that the money he makes is not just for his pleasure or he will expect every dime to be for his idea of "fun."</p><p></p><p>I sincerely hope you can work it out and learn to back off so that you are not so stressed. Nobody should be allowed to bother you at work. If it is an actual life threatening emergency somebody will notify you. Other than that, it can wait. Our impulsive difficult children have to learn to wait. It's part of life.</p><p></p><p>By the way, I'm all for removing the door and electronics. If he acts like a child, he gets treated like one. As of now he is not acting like an adult. I don't think you should remind him of anything anymore, even if his teeth are dingy yellow nor would I buy white strips. He can work and buy them. I've been a few toothless guys with yellow teeth who worked, mostly in the trades, but your son isn't going to get a top level job anytime soon anyway. And if it were me, as I told my easy child daughter yesterday while on a long drive, "You're an adult now and you learned all we can teach you. I hope you remember what we learned, and make good choices, but I am not going to tell you what to do anymore. I'm here to talk to you about anything at any time, but it's your path to take now." This was to a very together kid a few weeks before she is going away to college, but I really think it applies to all adult kids. Our parenting is no longer needed when they are grown up and they know what to do. Nagging them to do what they know they should do, as if they were young children, in my opinion only is a big waste. Natural consequences in my opinion are a better option. Let them learn from life what they can get away with and not, such as yellow teeth. </p><p></p><p>Seems like you were always overly engaged with your son. That makes it all the harder to step back, but we are all here for you holding your hand and you can do it!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631209, member: 1550"] I actually think that the "you can live at home" rule should be IF HE GETS A JOB. It's not that hard to find a cashiering job at a gas station. That way you don't send him jobs or ask for proof of looking. Proof of looking should not be enough. That lets him be complacent and maybe halfheartedly try to get a job twice a week and he is still following your rule. He could and will get a job when he wants one. And, this is just my own opinion, over my dead body would I let a kid drive my car unless he put in the gas and paid his share of the insurance, and I don't care how little he makes. Running around in a car, when you substance abuse, comes to no good anyway. My kids did it when they only worked part-time in high school. No gas, no car. No your share of our insurance, no car. Your son is of age and needs to learn that the money he makes is not just for his pleasure or he will expect every dime to be for his idea of "fun." I sincerely hope you can work it out and learn to back off so that you are not so stressed. Nobody should be allowed to bother you at work. If it is an actual life threatening emergency somebody will notify you. Other than that, it can wait. Our impulsive difficult children have to learn to wait. It's part of life. By the way, I'm all for removing the door and electronics. If he acts like a child, he gets treated like one. As of now he is not acting like an adult. I don't think you should remind him of anything anymore, even if his teeth are dingy yellow nor would I buy white strips. He can work and buy them. I've been a few toothless guys with yellow teeth who worked, mostly in the trades, but your son isn't going to get a top level job anytime soon anyway. And if it were me, as I told my easy child daughter yesterday while on a long drive, "You're an adult now and you learned all we can teach you. I hope you remember what we learned, and make good choices, but I am not going to tell you what to do anymore. I'm here to talk to you about anything at any time, but it's your path to take now." This was to a very together kid a few weeks before she is going away to college, but I really think it applies to all adult kids. Our parenting is no longer needed when they are grown up and they know what to do. Nagging them to do what they know they should do, as if they were young children, in my opinion only is a big waste. Natural consequences in my opinion are a better option. Let them learn from life what they can get away with and not, such as yellow teeth. Seems like you were always overly engaged with your son. That makes it all the harder to step back, but we are all here for you holding your hand and you can do it!!!! [/QUOTE]
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