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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631605" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>From all these posts, and I mean no badness to you when I say this...it is just observation...I think you tend to downplay your son's behavior and the possibility/probability that he is hanging around with druggies because he is one. Sober adults do not hang with those who use. There are ways to fudge a drug test...one is to use another person's urine, another is to learn which drugs show up, another is to abstain for a few days before the test, if you know one is coming. My daughter used meth and when she was taken to the psychiatric hospital her drug test was clean so nobody believed her when she said she was a drug addict (her words; her plea; they said she was just looking for attention). I think your son is using drugs more than you will allow yourself to think because the idea is so scary (yes, I know it is).</p><p></p><p>If your son has always been this way, do you not think it's time to start putting the total kabosh on it? If it were me, there would have been no car just for going to a job interview. Big deal. Eighteen year olds are fighting overseas. He went on a job interview. He may not be sober while he drives. He may take some criminal friends with him. He doesn't need your car. By backing off, he now will think he can further manipulate you, just like he did when he was little. And just like he still does all these years later. He knows it works so he keeps himself in child mode. You can stop it by treating him like an adult and telling him you are not going to give him anything just because he talks as if he is depressed and if he IS depressed he needs to make an appointment with a competent psychiatrist as you are NOT one. Tell him he is a smart MAN (not boy) and knows very well that you are a lawyer and can't help his depression and that he needs to find good help that CAN make him feel better.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, you are in denial about how badly your son is behaving. Acting like a little boy works for him and gets him things so he does it. He's no dummy. He knows exactly how to get what he wants. In this case it was the car. Betcha his friends will pitch in for gas, if he runs too low. You have no idea what he will be doing out there. Just like I didn't know what my daughter did and was in denial as well. Denial is a nice place to be. It feels good. "He's not so bad. It's not his fault. He can't help it. Well, gosh golly, he went on a job interview like almost every other non-college eighteen year old man. Guess I'll give him the car as a reward." You know he likely will not pay you back. There is no excuse for his whining, crying, bugging you, acting ten or behaving as if he is useless just to make you reward him.</p><p></p><p>by the way, it sounds like he has anxiety disorder if he worries that much. I have it along with a mood disorder. 36 has it too. It's no fun, and you do worry needlessly, but it's not fatal and is no excuse not to work.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion nothing will change until you do. And so far you have not gotten to that point. Baby steps, I know, but every year he is allowed to get away with this degree of manipulation it is one more wasted year of his life AND OF YOURS. And you don't deserve to waste your years. I hope you decide to take back your power and see through your son's "poor me" and crying and putting down of himself and whatever else he does that makes you feel so badly for him that you'll do anything to make him smile. He is playing games with you and you and him are both suffering because he is getting away with them.</p><p></p><p>Try to see your son for who he is. I'm sure he has good traits, but you also need to see the other side. Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631605, member: 1550"] From all these posts, and I mean no badness to you when I say this...it is just observation...I think you tend to downplay your son's behavior and the possibility/probability that he is hanging around with druggies because he is one. Sober adults do not hang with those who use. There are ways to fudge a drug test...one is to use another person's urine, another is to learn which drugs show up, another is to abstain for a few days before the test, if you know one is coming. My daughter used meth and when she was taken to the psychiatric hospital her drug test was clean so nobody believed her when she said she was a drug addict (her words; her plea; they said she was just looking for attention). I think your son is using drugs more than you will allow yourself to think because the idea is so scary (yes, I know it is). If your son has always been this way, do you not think it's time to start putting the total kabosh on it? If it were me, there would have been no car just for going to a job interview. Big deal. Eighteen year olds are fighting overseas. He went on a job interview. He may not be sober while he drives. He may take some criminal friends with him. He doesn't need your car. By backing off, he now will think he can further manipulate you, just like he did when he was little. And just like he still does all these years later. He knows it works so he keeps himself in child mode. You can stop it by treating him like an adult and telling him you are not going to give him anything just because he talks as if he is depressed and if he IS depressed he needs to make an appointment with a competent psychiatrist as you are NOT one. Tell him he is a smart MAN (not boy) and knows very well that you are a lawyer and can't help his depression and that he needs to find good help that CAN make him feel better. In my opinion, you are in denial about how badly your son is behaving. Acting like a little boy works for him and gets him things so he does it. He's no dummy. He knows exactly how to get what he wants. In this case it was the car. Betcha his friends will pitch in for gas, if he runs too low. You have no idea what he will be doing out there. Just like I didn't know what my daughter did and was in denial as well. Denial is a nice place to be. It feels good. "He's not so bad. It's not his fault. He can't help it. Well, gosh golly, he went on a job interview like almost every other non-college eighteen year old man. Guess I'll give him the car as a reward." You know he likely will not pay you back. There is no excuse for his whining, crying, bugging you, acting ten or behaving as if he is useless just to make you reward him. by the way, it sounds like he has anxiety disorder if he worries that much. I have it along with a mood disorder. 36 has it too. It's no fun, and you do worry needlessly, but it's not fatal and is no excuse not to work. in my opinion nothing will change until you do. And so far you have not gotten to that point. Baby steps, I know, but every year he is allowed to get away with this degree of manipulation it is one more wasted year of his life AND OF YOURS. And you don't deserve to waste your years. I hope you decide to take back your power and see through your son's "poor me" and crying and putting down of himself and whatever else he does that makes you feel so badly for him that you'll do anything to make him smile. He is playing games with you and you and him are both suffering because he is getting away with them. Try to see your son for who he is. I'm sure he has good traits, but you also need to see the other side. Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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