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I have no self esteem
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 739889" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Confused, I was just developing self esteem at your age. I had just married my husband and was in therapy, as I always had been. I learned slowly that you sometimes had to let go of expectations of others in your family. My mother hated me and after trying hard to win her love (although it had never been good with her toward me). Eventually I did something she REALLY didnt like, although I did it for my kids, it was not a criminal act and at one point I asked my husband to csll my mother and tell her to never call my oldest son again as she barely new him (didnt know any of my kids) but she sneakily wanted his social security number so she could do what I felt was unfair to all my kids.....without our permission.</p><p></p><p>Fortunately my son was just sixteen, hadnt used his social yet and didnt know it. So he couldnt tell her. He came downstairs upset and said Grandma said he was a liar. I didnt think she would listen to me as much as my husband, a man she had never met, but he could sound very tough without swearing or being abusive. He called and told her to never call Bart again. She never did but she never forgave me for having him "disrespect" her and i was more of an outcast after that.</p><p></p><p>Confused, I gave up eventually trying to please my family and I found I did well ..better even...without putting up with their constantly telling me how I was bad, abusive, a problem. My brother wrote me a snail mail letter that started "These are the things that bother me about you."</p><p></p><p> I was strong enough by then to stop reading and gave it to hub who scanned it, mumbled about my crazy family, and tore it into little pieces. I never knew what he said about me that was so horrible and that was a kind thing I did for myself. Not reading it. </p><p></p><p>As time went on I paid less and less attention to these seeming enemies who are my DNA. I could see that my family of choice and other people liked me so I gained lots of self esteem.</p><p></p><p>Confused, you may do better if you minimize contact with anyone who demeans you or makes you feel badly about yourself. And you will feel better if you stop feeling wrongly that you can magically fix anyone, especially your kids. It is only them who can do it. </p><p></p><p>Are you in therapy? Therapists can be great at teaching us how to be good to ourselves. Without therapy I may still be the same mess trying to make people who thought ill of me love me. That is a self esteem killer. And I blamed myself for everything others blamed me for. I am angry at myself now for doing that.</p><p></p><p>You are kind and giving even when you are abused. I was too sort of but I stuck up for myself more (which just made them meaner to me). Confused, you dont need to surround yourself with negativity. Please dont. Please seek therapy. You can change how you feel about yourself. I really like me now. I used to hate me. I used to believe what these negative people told me about myself. Now I realize it was more about them and more specifically my mother than it was about me.</p><p></p><p>I hope you take steps to get help so you can love yourself and be good to yourself. That way you will meet people who respect you, men included. Your kids will respect you too when you like yourself.</p><p></p><p>I hope you take time to do all the hard stuff you have to do to get to that place of contentment. You can do it if I did it. It isnt easy and you may have to pull back from some DNA that is unkind to you, which is frowned on by society. &$@# society. We MUST take care of ourselves. If we dont nobody else will. It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself or to say BYE or NO to others. You and I dont have the ability to help our loved ones. They have to do it. But we can learn to stand strong and be good to us. There is no reason you cant have a business that is for the greater good but nobody can help everyone. Your kind intentions are enough. You are enough. Honest. Your heart is full of love and you deserve some back. Ask for it without words. Do it by acting like you care about yourself. People will start treating you better.</p><p></p><p>Much love and light. You can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 739889, member: 1550"] Confused, I was just developing self esteem at your age. I had just married my husband and was in therapy, as I always had been. I learned slowly that you sometimes had to let go of expectations of others in your family. My mother hated me and after trying hard to win her love (although it had never been good with her toward me). Eventually I did something she REALLY didnt like, although I did it for my kids, it was not a criminal act and at one point I asked my husband to csll my mother and tell her to never call my oldest son again as she barely new him (didnt know any of my kids) but she sneakily wanted his social security number so she could do what I felt was unfair to all my kids.....without our permission. Fortunately my son was just sixteen, hadnt used his social yet and didnt know it. So he couldnt tell her. He came downstairs upset and said Grandma said he was a liar. I didnt think she would listen to me as much as my husband, a man she had never met, but he could sound very tough without swearing or being abusive. He called and told her to never call Bart again. She never did but she never forgave me for having him "disrespect" her and i was more of an outcast after that. Confused, I gave up eventually trying to please my family and I found I did well ..better even...without putting up with their constantly telling me how I was bad, abusive, a problem. My brother wrote me a snail mail letter that started "These are the things that bother me about you." I was strong enough by then to stop reading and gave it to hub who scanned it, mumbled about my crazy family, and tore it into little pieces. I never knew what he said about me that was so horrible and that was a kind thing I did for myself. Not reading it. As time went on I paid less and less attention to these seeming enemies who are my DNA. I could see that my family of choice and other people liked me so I gained lots of self esteem. Confused, you may do better if you minimize contact with anyone who demeans you or makes you feel badly about yourself. And you will feel better if you stop feeling wrongly that you can magically fix anyone, especially your kids. It is only them who can do it. Are you in therapy? Therapists can be great at teaching us how to be good to ourselves. Without therapy I may still be the same mess trying to make people who thought ill of me love me. That is a self esteem killer. And I blamed myself for everything others blamed me for. I am angry at myself now for doing that. You are kind and giving even when you are abused. I was too sort of but I stuck up for myself more (which just made them meaner to me). Confused, you dont need to surround yourself with negativity. Please dont. Please seek therapy. You can change how you feel about yourself. I really like me now. I used to hate me. I used to believe what these negative people told me about myself. Now I realize it was more about them and more specifically my mother than it was about me. I hope you take steps to get help so you can love yourself and be good to yourself. That way you will meet people who respect you, men included. Your kids will respect you too when you like yourself. I hope you take time to do all the hard stuff you have to do to get to that place of contentment. You can do it if I did it. It isnt easy and you may have to pull back from some DNA that is unkind to you, which is frowned on by society. &$@# society. We MUST take care of ourselves. If we dont nobody else will. It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself or to say BYE or NO to others. You and I dont have the ability to help our loved ones. They have to do it. But we can learn to stand strong and be good to us. There is no reason you cant have a business that is for the greater good but nobody can help everyone. Your kind intentions are enough. You are enough. Honest. Your heart is full of love and you deserve some back. Ask for it without words. Do it by acting like you care about yourself. People will start treating you better. Much love and light. You can do this. [/QUOTE]
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