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I just don't like her anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 181070" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Miche, if you've given up and are in danger of losing it, then it's time to make some changes in your life and your approach. You need a break. Every Mom needs a break. Moms of difficult children often feel like they can't leave them with anyone else when in reality the kids often do better for a sitter or friend for a short time. Part of it is that they simply don't act the same everywhere or for everyone. Part of it sometimes is that sometimes us moms get caught up in the negative energy and contribute to the problem. It happened to me this past week as it was county fair week and we were all so tired that any time three of us would be a room together one of us would "go bad". Including me. I felt downright mean. I left two kids at home, parked the third in her dad's office with a movie and took a break from them all (I went to the animal barns--it dawned on me I was at an all time low having a getaway in the swine barn, but the kids would never follow me there.) We ALL need breaks from our children. </p><p> </p><p>I also want to add that your neighbor/friend/whoever might be a lot more skilled at dealing with a difficult kid than you imagine. If you sincerely think that there's no one in your world that can handle her then you might call county mental health and see if you can get respite, as they will involved trained, experienced caregivers.</p><p> </p><p>I meam this kindly, but things are unlikely to change until you come to a mental position that will allow you to try some different approaches with your daughter because what you're doing doesn't sound like it's working. If you suspected that she had a physical handicap but her doctor appointment wasn't until October would you not buy it until she had a formal diagnosis? Would you not make any adaptations for her to see if they would help her, not adjust expectations for her? Not get a head start and try different strategies that other parents have found helpful by parents of children with that suspected physical disability? Label her a brat because her physical disability was causing her attitudes and actions to be so much different than other children? </p><p> </p><p>There was a time when I felt stuck like you--nothing was working and we were all miserable. I kept pushing all the buttons I could trying to get my difficult child to change, getting movement in the direction I wanted, using methods that weren't working because I kept thinking they should and I didn't realize difficult child <strong>couldn't</strong> do what I was expecting. In the end I learned difficult child couldn't change until I did. As long as I kept rolling along in the same mode, I got the same behaviors and no improvement.</p><p> </p><p>Try and give some thought to what we're saying here. And hang in there--summer's end is hard on many families. None of us signed up for this journey and it's a tough one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 181070, member: 701"] Miche, if you've given up and are in danger of losing it, then it's time to make some changes in your life and your approach. You need a break. Every Mom needs a break. Moms of difficult children often feel like they can't leave them with anyone else when in reality the kids often do better for a sitter or friend for a short time. Part of it is that they simply don't act the same everywhere or for everyone. Part of it sometimes is that sometimes us moms get caught up in the negative energy and contribute to the problem. It happened to me this past week as it was county fair week and we were all so tired that any time three of us would be a room together one of us would "go bad". Including me. I felt downright mean. I left two kids at home, parked the third in her dad's office with a movie and took a break from them all (I went to the animal barns--it dawned on me I was at an all time low having a getaway in the swine barn, but the kids would never follow me there.) We ALL need breaks from our children. I also want to add that your neighbor/friend/whoever might be a lot more skilled at dealing with a difficult kid than you imagine. If you sincerely think that there's no one in your world that can handle her then you might call county mental health and see if you can get respite, as they will involved trained, experienced caregivers. I meam this kindly, but things are unlikely to change until you come to a mental position that will allow you to try some different approaches with your daughter because what you're doing doesn't sound like it's working. If you suspected that she had a physical handicap but her doctor appointment wasn't until October would you not buy it until she had a formal diagnosis? Would you not make any adaptations for her to see if they would help her, not adjust expectations for her? Not get a head start and try different strategies that other parents have found helpful by parents of children with that suspected physical disability? Label her a brat because her physical disability was causing her attitudes and actions to be so much different than other children? There was a time when I felt stuck like you--nothing was working and we were all miserable. I kept pushing all the buttons I could trying to get my difficult child to change, getting movement in the direction I wanted, using methods that weren't working because I kept thinking they should and I didn't realize difficult child [B]couldn't[/B] do what I was expecting. In the end I learned difficult child couldn't change until I did. As long as I kept rolling along in the same mode, I got the same behaviors and no improvement. Try and give some thought to what we're saying here. And hang in there--summer's end is hard on many families. None of us signed up for this journey and it's a tough one. [/QUOTE]
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