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I just don't like her anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 181123" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Miche, this isn't a journey that most of us can handle alone. Do you have anyone in your life that you can confide in--a friend, another mother of a challenging child in your area, clergy, etc? There are certainly times to remove a child from a situation but remaining behind closed doors and not letting your friends and family and the people in your world know you are struggling will quickly lead to frustration, isolation, and depression. Many of our moms here have needed support beyond friends and online and have needed a counselor or medications to fight off depression, anxiety, help make sense of it all, etc. At our worst point I had friends bringing in meals, driving my kids to activities, and one friend even came and ran errands for me once a week. If mom isn't coping well, the whole ship tends to sink, so it's important if you aren't coping well to take steps in that direction. The assessment process usually takes several months, as do getting interventions into place, so you need to take care of you. I didn't plan on having a child that is different and would have preferred never to have had to tell anyone that news, but since that's what life has served me, I found I couldn't hide it away and still be the best mother to a different child that I could be. </p><p> </p><p>I don't think there's any one path to changing one's attitude. Certainly getting away helps. Getting a diagnosis helps because it settles the mental war of "she's doing this on purpose for XYZ reasons" and "maybe she can't help her behaviors". It also helps give you a specific direction/intervention path to try instead of floundering with nothing working. I know that the day that I made the step over to believing that difficult child might not be able to help the behaviors was the beginning of attitude change for me.</p><p> </p><p>There's no one answer for families when it comes to younger easy child's. I took the high road and demanded good behavior where it counted (safety, kindness, language, etc). I opted to take the low road for things that were of lesser importance to me like picking up toys, cleaning rooms, etc. Still do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 181123, member: 701"] Miche, this isn't a journey that most of us can handle alone. Do you have anyone in your life that you can confide in--a friend, another mother of a challenging child in your area, clergy, etc? There are certainly times to remove a child from a situation but remaining behind closed doors and not letting your friends and family and the people in your world know you are struggling will quickly lead to frustration, isolation, and depression. Many of our moms here have needed support beyond friends and online and have needed a counselor or medications to fight off depression, anxiety, help make sense of it all, etc. At our worst point I had friends bringing in meals, driving my kids to activities, and one friend even came and ran errands for me once a week. If mom isn't coping well, the whole ship tends to sink, so it's important if you aren't coping well to take steps in that direction. The assessment process usually takes several months, as do getting interventions into place, so you need to take care of you. I didn't plan on having a child that is different and would have preferred never to have had to tell anyone that news, but since that's what life has served me, I found I couldn't hide it away and still be the best mother to a different child that I could be. I don't think there's any one path to changing one's attitude. Certainly getting away helps. Getting a diagnosis helps because it settles the mental war of "she's doing this on purpose for XYZ reasons" and "maybe she can't help her behaviors". It also helps give you a specific direction/intervention path to try instead of floundering with nothing working. I know that the day that I made the step over to believing that difficult child might not be able to help the behaviors was the beginning of attitude change for me. There's no one answer for families when it comes to younger easy child's. I took the high road and demanded good behavior where it counted (safety, kindness, language, etc). I opted to take the low road for things that were of lesser importance to me like picking up toys, cleaning rooms, etc. Still do. [/QUOTE]
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