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Parent Emeritus
I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686603" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Tanya. There is a whole lot of hope.</p><p></p><p>My son is 27. He is only now beginning to show remorse, compassion, and self-control. He keeps improving in attitude and willingness to go along with the program.</p><p></p><p>I think it is partly, as with your son, the hatred of being homeless, the constant instability of having to pack it up from one couch to another. Part of it I believe is finally maturing. I have said it and others too: For many men, maturity starts at 27. </p><p></p><p>I think he also missed being with people who love him, feel responsibility for him. I need him. He must have remembered that. He was the center of my life. He knows what it feels like to be loved with heart and soul. I think that was the problem. He could not grow up with a mother who loved him like that. I think he needed to not be my central relationship. At the same time, he was jealous of M. I think the years apart he has come to grips with his position in my life, and I have too. It is healthier and more adult. I have changed too.</p><p></p><p>There seems to be at least a little bit of reciprocity now. At least the beginnings of it. My son cried last night and tonight because of how he hurt me. Now, I wish he had not done so, but remorse and compassion get second prize.</p><p></p><p>I do not think it is possible or wise to picture a possible relationship--we just cannot know. In our case it is more like my son of 10 years back has reappeared in adult form. I will take it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686603, member: 18958"] Tanya. There is a whole lot of hope. My son is 27. He is only now beginning to show remorse, compassion, and self-control. He keeps improving in attitude and willingness to go along with the program. I think it is partly, as with your son, the hatred of being homeless, the constant instability of having to pack it up from one couch to another. Part of it I believe is finally maturing. I have said it and others too: For many men, maturity starts at 27. I think he also missed being with people who love him, feel responsibility for him. I need him. He must have remembered that. He was the center of my life. He knows what it feels like to be loved with heart and soul. I think that was the problem. He could not grow up with a mother who loved him like that. I think he needed to not be my central relationship. At the same time, he was jealous of M. I think the years apart he has come to grips with his position in my life, and I have too. It is healthier and more adult. I have changed too. There seems to be at least a little bit of reciprocity now. At least the beginnings of it. My son cried last night and tonight because of how he hurt me. Now, I wish he had not done so, but remorse and compassion get second prize. I do not think it is possible or wise to picture a possible relationship--we just cannot know. In our case it is more like my son of 10 years back has reappeared in adult form. I will take it. [/QUOTE]
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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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