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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686615" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p><em>"Fooling yourself by living in the world of “ought to be” instead of the world of “what is”, only prolongs your heartache."</em></p><p></p><p>This is from Rebelson's signature. I agree with this to a point.</p><p></p><p><em>Ought to be </em>is a killer. Both in terms of comparisons to other families and comparing to what we had hoped and dreamed would be--our fantasies which come from our own unmet needs and wants.</p><p></p><p>But <em>what is, </em>too, can trip you up because it is not always clear (usually not) just what is going on with our kids (and with us, too.) Pisces Mom has a thread currently called something like <u>Just got back from visiting my son at residential treatment center.</u> SWOT and I are going back and forth about our different understandings of <em>what is</em>, and why it is.</p><p></p><p>It is really hard to understand as it is happening, just why. When there are family issues, or adoption, or bad seeds in the family tree it is easy to fear that this is the causation. To me, these are easy answers, but not necessarily correct ones. Sometimes well-put-together kids and people go off the deep end for reasons that are highly personal, and these forays can be temporary and even can be beneficial (if they survive) because they become means whereby these individuals gain a deeper understanding of their lives and themselves.</p><p></p><p>I know that I have a fairly unique and idiosyncratic way of looking at things. And certainly, I welcome disagreement.</p><p></p><p>In sum, <em>what is </em>is not always what it is cracked up to be. It can look like one thing and be quite something different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686615, member: 18958"] [I]"Fooling yourself by living in the world of “ought to be” instead of the world of “what is”, only prolongs your heartache."[/I] This is from Rebelson's signature. I agree with this to a point. [I]Ought to be [/I]is a killer. Both in terms of comparisons to other families and comparing to what we had hoped and dreamed would be--our fantasies which come from our own unmet needs and wants. But [I]what is, [/I]too, can trip you up because it is not always clear (usually not) just what is going on with our kids (and with us, too.) Pisces Mom has a thread currently called something like [U]Just got back from visiting my son at residential treatment center.[/U] SWOT and I are going back and forth about our different understandings of [I]what is[/I], and why it is. It is really hard to understand as it is happening, just why. When there are family issues, or adoption, or bad seeds in the family tree it is easy to fear that this is the causation. To me, these are easy answers, but not necessarily correct ones. Sometimes well-put-together kids and people go off the deep end for reasons that are highly personal, and these forays can be temporary and even can be beneficial (if they survive) because they become means whereby these individuals gain a deeper understanding of their lives and themselves. I know that I have a fairly unique and idiosyncratic way of looking at things. And certainly, I welcome disagreement. In sum, [I]what is [/I]is not always what it is cracked up to be. It can look like one thing and be quite something different.[I] [/I] [/QUOTE]
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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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