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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686643" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I must not have explained myself clearly enough. Do not, please, question yourself.</p><p>This was exactly my dream for my son. He will have none of it. None. My son is fluent in 3 languages. And conversant in 2 more. He loves philosophy, physics, history, culture. Why oh why will he not put that to use?</p><p></p><p>Because he needs to build himself based upon his own talents and abilities.</p><p></p><p>My son too wants to go to college, but he does not want to in a way that will work. It may never come to be. As long as college is not something our sons want in such a way that they work to get there and to stay there, they do not want it. <em>Ought to be</em> on our part becomes something hurtful and destructive.</p><p></p><p>I know because I still have not let go and every time I try to stick my neck into it, it causes trouble.</p><p>And so were thousands of other great creative and successful people, novelists, actors, artists, writers, musicians whose lives and work could never be reduced to he or she <em>was an addict. </em></p><p></p><p>What I meant by <em>what is </em>is that what people are working out, what is meant by any action or choice is often different than what it seems. There is a whole latent story underneath what is manifest or visible. A message or story or inner work.</p><p></p><p>Since my mother died, 2 and a half years ago, I have spent almost all of my time in bed, in my house. You could call me <em>a recluse</em>, but that does not describe what these years have meant for me, in me and in my life. See?</p><p>No he could not be. Because that life for your son did not come to be. Did not play out. He chose that it not because he chose another life, another path, on purpose, because on some level he wanted to or needed to. It was not an accident.</p><p></p><p>That does not mean that he could not, cannot change course, but the changing must come from him, not you or me. It must come from someplace deep in him. The words, deep structure, come to mind. I do not know why. He may need to create that place <em>in himself</em>. That is why he may need to leave you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686643, member: 18958"] I must not have explained myself clearly enough. Do not, please, question yourself. This was exactly my dream for my son. He will have none of it. None. My son is fluent in 3 languages. And conversant in 2 more. He loves philosophy, physics, history, culture. Why oh why will he not put that to use? Because he needs to build himself based upon his own talents and abilities. My son too wants to go to college, but he does not want to in a way that will work. It may never come to be. As long as college is not something our sons want in such a way that they work to get there and to stay there, they do not want it. [I]Ought to be[/I] on our part becomes something hurtful and destructive. I know because I still have not let go and every time I try to stick my neck into it, it causes trouble. And so were thousands of other great creative and successful people, novelists, actors, artists, writers, musicians whose lives and work could never be reduced to he or she [I]was an addict. [/I] What I meant by [I]what is [/I]is that what people are working out, what is meant by any action or choice is often different than what it seems. There is a whole latent story underneath what is manifest or visible. A message or story or inner work. Since my mother died, 2 and a half years ago, I have spent almost all of my time in bed, in my house. You could call me [I]a recluse[/I], but that does not describe what these years have meant for me, in me and in my life. See? No he could not be. Because that life for your son did not come to be. Did not play out. He chose that it not because he chose another life, another path, on purpose, because on some level he wanted to or needed to. It was not an accident. That does not mean that he could not, cannot change course, but the changing must come from him, not you or me. It must come from someplace deep in him. The words, deep structure, come to mind. I do not know why. He may need to create that place [I]in himself[/I]. That is why he may need to leave you. [/QUOTE]
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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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