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General Parenting
I knew it was bound to happen...(long)
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 224091" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Owie! So sorry about your finger.</p><p> </p><p><em>As soon as I left the room he was jumping up and down and bothering his brother again so i went in and turned it off. That sent him into a full blown rage.</em></p><p> </p><p>No transition. That's what I see here. </p><p> </p><p>My son takes things literally, but when he's not given an exact time, he will make up his own time. You said "for a few minutes." That does not mean to him what it means to you. His concept of time is very different, especially when he is doing something enjoyable, if he is like my difficult child. You need to set a timer. A timer will take you and your voice out of the equation.</p><p> </p><p>Also, I wouldn't dare put a TV in my son's room with-his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I keep it in the living room, where it is the "family TV." Once something is in his room, he thinks he owns it and it just adds to his sense of entitlement and his addiction, and increases battles. You have to create an atmosphere of being in control.</p><p> </p><p>I would not have fought him for the controller. Well, yes, I would have <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> a year ago. But I know not to do that now. It makes things worse. Sometimes I can stand there and have a stare-down, but since you said your son was escalating all week, even a stare-down for the controller wouldn't have worked. You have to walk away and tell him he has one minute. Then you come back and say, thirty seconds. It has to be calm, calm, calm, or it will increase his anxiety.</p><p> </p><p>Whenever I see my son getting out of control with-his controller, I wait until he is out of the house to take it away. While he's at school is the best time. Then I wait until he gets home and tell him, calmly. The first few times, he had meltdowns, but now he knows how the system works and he's much, much better.</p><p> </p><p>Mayapple, I've never heard of holding kids face down. I've only heard of the seated hold, where you sit behind the kid with-your legs wrapped around them, and your arms crossed in front of them, and make sure your head is back far enough so they can't head-butt you. I've accidentally had my difficult child on the floor, face down, but only when he was older, and only because he squirmed out of the traditional hold. I'd worry about his back, since we're bigger and weigh more (can you tell my husband is a chiro? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> )</p><p> </p><p>At any rate, I would strip the room of the TV for several days and have him earn back privileges. And again, I would not allow the TV in his room. Just in my humble opinion.</p><p> </p><p>You can tell his brother, in front of him, that you will make a special time for him to sit with-you and do something special, just the two of you. These kids learn that life will never be fair, and if you make the gesture to make it up to them, they really appeciate it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 224091, member: 3419"] Owie! So sorry about your finger. [I]As soon as I left the room he was jumping up and down and bothering his brother again so i went in and turned it off. That sent him into a full blown rage.[/I] No transition. That's what I see here. My son takes things literally, but when he's not given an exact time, he will make up his own time. You said "for a few minutes." That does not mean to him what it means to you. His concept of time is very different, especially when he is doing something enjoyable, if he is like my difficult child. You need to set a timer. A timer will take you and your voice out of the equation. Also, I wouldn't dare put a TV in my son's room with-his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I keep it in the living room, where it is the "family TV." Once something is in his room, he thinks he owns it and it just adds to his sense of entitlement and his addiction, and increases battles. You have to create an atmosphere of being in control. I would not have fought him for the controller. Well, yes, I would have :) a year ago. But I know not to do that now. It makes things worse. Sometimes I can stand there and have a stare-down, but since you said your son was escalating all week, even a stare-down for the controller wouldn't have worked. You have to walk away and tell him he has one minute. Then you come back and say, thirty seconds. It has to be calm, calm, calm, or it will increase his anxiety. Whenever I see my son getting out of control with-his controller, I wait until he is out of the house to take it away. While he's at school is the best time. Then I wait until he gets home and tell him, calmly. The first few times, he had meltdowns, but now he knows how the system works and he's much, much better. Mayapple, I've never heard of holding kids face down. I've only heard of the seated hold, where you sit behind the kid with-your legs wrapped around them, and your arms crossed in front of them, and make sure your head is back far enough so they can't head-butt you. I've accidentally had my difficult child on the floor, face down, but only when he was older, and only because he squirmed out of the traditional hold. I'd worry about his back, since we're bigger and weigh more (can you tell my husband is a chiro? :) ) At any rate, I would strip the room of the TV for several days and have him earn back privileges. And again, I would not allow the TV in his room. Just in my humble opinion. You can tell his brother, in front of him, that you will make a special time for him to sit with-you and do something special, just the two of you. These kids learn that life will never be fair, and if you make the gesture to make it up to them, they really appeciate it. [/QUOTE]
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