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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 367965" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I got to mother in law's to find her kitchen a hive of activity, the mixmaster going. Mixmaster? to make lasagne?</p><p></p><p>Turned out, that despite the girls planning to begin working on this lasagne for days, giving mother in law plenty of notice, that mother in law chose the exact same time to begin making a batch of biscuits. Niece's younger sister arrives with their mother tomorrow evening, and asked grandma specially, for her home-made biscuits. Frankly, the biscuits could have and should have waited - the oven will be on this evening cooking the lasagne, it's easy to use the same hot oven to bake biscuits then. The girls had booked time at a spa early this afternoon and needed to get the lasagne assembled before they left; I had an appointment at midday but had promised to begin helping the girls make pasta sheets from 10 am. But it took until 11.30 am (when I should have been leaving) before we could begin on the pasta.</p><p></p><p>When I arrived, mother in law began talking to me over the sound of the mixer. She has serious hearing trouble and didn't realise she was speaking too quietly fort me to hear. But I do lipread fairly well and as soon as i realised she was trying to say she had not slept properly, and I looked like I hadn't slept properly, all because OBVIOUSLY we had both been upset by difficult child 3's appalling behaviour the day before and "I've never been spoken to like that before..." - I shouted over the mixer, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, THERE IS TOO MUCH NOISE; I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE MY SHOULDER IS BAD. THAT'S WHY I'M SEEING THE PHYSIO AT MIDDAY."</p><p></p><p>I know if I had let her engage, especially with the noise, the argument would have escalated but she would have not heard things properly.</p><p></p><p>While waiting, and to get away from both the girls making a hash of the lasagne and also from mother in law stressing, I went out to do some garden weeding for her. One less person to clutter the kitchen. When I came back in she acted upset that i had left the house, tried to hug me as if she had upset me again. It's the closest I will ever get to an apology. I then made the pasta with the girls, got it to point where they could continue without me and dashed off to my appointment. Luckily, the physio was running late - her previous patient was someone i dread being around too much, she's another passive-aggressive plus attention-seeker. My treatment kept getting interrupted by this other patient (wrapped up with hot packs by this stage) asking for "another blankie". I'm not kidding! I felt, "I can't get away from this!" I'm OK sharing treatment with another patient who is really in need of the attention, but this was ridiculous. I know as soon as I tell husband who it was, he will get it.</p><p></p><p>Interestingly, when I went back to mother in law's after my appointment to clean up, I found she already had cleaned up for me. The house was quiet, the girls had gone to their appointment at the spa, she had ample chance to sit and talk. But she didn't bring the subject up. She did chatter to fill the silence - she does that when she's upset and feeling guilty.</p><p></p><p>As I said before - re-hashing the incident won't help in any way. We need to work on the issue at the most basic level - in order to get respect from difficult child 3, you first have to set the example and show him how to respect others. You can't accuse him and disrespect him, then expect him to not lash out. He's not a normal kid, his brain does't work normal way. He learns by imitation, which means it is vital that we do as we want him to do, and not rely on "do as I say."</p><p></p><p>Such a pity I don't drink any more. A double vodka feels very tempting right about now...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 367965, member: 1991"] I got to mother in law's to find her kitchen a hive of activity, the mixmaster going. Mixmaster? to make lasagne? Turned out, that despite the girls planning to begin working on this lasagne for days, giving mother in law plenty of notice, that mother in law chose the exact same time to begin making a batch of biscuits. Niece's younger sister arrives with their mother tomorrow evening, and asked grandma specially, for her home-made biscuits. Frankly, the biscuits could have and should have waited - the oven will be on this evening cooking the lasagne, it's easy to use the same hot oven to bake biscuits then. The girls had booked time at a spa early this afternoon and needed to get the lasagne assembled before they left; I had an appointment at midday but had promised to begin helping the girls make pasta sheets from 10 am. But it took until 11.30 am (when I should have been leaving) before we could begin on the pasta. When I arrived, mother in law began talking to me over the sound of the mixer. She has serious hearing trouble and didn't realise she was speaking too quietly fort me to hear. But I do lipread fairly well and as soon as i realised she was trying to say she had not slept properly, and I looked like I hadn't slept properly, all because OBVIOUSLY we had both been upset by difficult child 3's appalling behaviour the day before and "I've never been spoken to like that before..." - I shouted over the mixer, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, THERE IS TOO MUCH NOISE; I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE MY SHOULDER IS BAD. THAT'S WHY I'M SEEING THE PHYSIO AT MIDDAY." I know if I had let her engage, especially with the noise, the argument would have escalated but she would have not heard things properly. While waiting, and to get away from both the girls making a hash of the lasagne and also from mother in law stressing, I went out to do some garden weeding for her. One less person to clutter the kitchen. When I came back in she acted upset that i had left the house, tried to hug me as if she had upset me again. It's the closest I will ever get to an apology. I then made the pasta with the girls, got it to point where they could continue without me and dashed off to my appointment. Luckily, the physio was running late - her previous patient was someone i dread being around too much, she's another passive-aggressive plus attention-seeker. My treatment kept getting interrupted by this other patient (wrapped up with hot packs by this stage) asking for "another blankie". I'm not kidding! I felt, "I can't get away from this!" I'm OK sharing treatment with another patient who is really in need of the attention, but this was ridiculous. I know as soon as I tell husband who it was, he will get it. Interestingly, when I went back to mother in law's after my appointment to clean up, I found she already had cleaned up for me. The house was quiet, the girls had gone to their appointment at the spa, she had ample chance to sit and talk. But she didn't bring the subject up. She did chatter to fill the silence - she does that when she's upset and feeling guilty. As I said before - re-hashing the incident won't help in any way. We need to work on the issue at the most basic level - in order to get respect from difficult child 3, you first have to set the example and show him how to respect others. You can't accuse him and disrespect him, then expect him to not lash out. He's not a normal kid, his brain does't work normal way. He learns by imitation, which means it is vital that we do as we want him to do, and not rely on "do as I say." Such a pity I don't drink any more. A double vodka feels very tempting right about now... Marg [/QUOTE]
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