Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I LOVE autistics' honesty!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 368108" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's difficult when there's a house full of people all talking at once, and mother in law is hard of hearing. Tonight I only got the edge of it, but I gather mother in law didn't hear difficult child 3 properly and asked him to repeat himself. And again. And again. difficult child 3 got frustrated and finally said, "It doesn't matter."</p><p>mother in law, probably believing he was saying something that he shouldn't have and chose not to repeat it, began to insist. It began to escalate and niece intervened and I later heard her say that both were misbehaving.</p><p>It was just too hectic and noisy for me to also keep insisting, and chase it up. I did get the chance to talk to niece about things, she also told me a few things she had observed (such as mother in law's behaviour yesterday when I left the house to work in the garden for a few minutes, to plant some broken-off bushes as cuttings. Apparently mother in law got very distressed because I went outside, was wailing that she had offended me again. It does account for her behaviour when I came back inside.</p><p></p><p>Interestingly - the plant I was trying to salvage, was one I blamed niece for hitting with the car. When I came back inside and mother in law was asking me where I'd been, I said, "I was tidying up the plant that niece hit with the car."</p><p>Niece said, "I didn't hit it," and I replied, "Well, I was tidying up the plant that someone hit."</p><p>I know mother in law heard me. And it's her plant - her driveway, her home. But she was happy to let niece take the blame from me. Niece told me today what I was increasingly suspecting - mother in law herself drove over the plant. Now, it makes no difference to me. But she hid it. Even when I had mentioned it to her already a day or two earlier, mother in law acted surprised. But the more I thought about the timing, the more I realised it had to have been done before niece was allowed to drive mother in law's car. Niece confirmed today while she & I were out, that mother in law did it on the day she was driving niece to catch the boat.</p><p></p><p>It's like mother in law is paranoid about being blamed for things, even when it's her own things and therefore absolutely doesn't matter. She's increasingly anxious about how she's perceived but also increasingly insistent on everything as she wants it, so she feels safe. Having young people in the house is something she loves, it seems to buck her up, but I'm wondering if she's cracking under the strain a bit. </p><p></p><p>I think husband & I are going to have to have another talk to difficult child 3 and we need to develop a strategy to help him cope with her deafness. "Yes, repeat yourself. Or ask someone else to repeat what you said, if she still doesn't understand. But she's not asking you to repeat yourself just to be mean, she really didn't hear you."</p><p>Again, this is the relativity problem again - difficult child 3 can hear perfectly well, so he can't understand how other people can't. So Ill try to explain this to her also, but the problem is - she's also increasingly egocentric (Aspie-style). Plus I think convinced difficult child 3 is saying mean things under his breath, knowing she has trouble hearing. And she is determined to know what he said, even if he said nothing. So - more accusations. </p><p></p><p>If nothing else, I'm hoping difficult child 3 can learn some much-needed patience in all this. Because he's not the only difficult child!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 368108, member: 1991"] It's difficult when there's a house full of people all talking at once, and mother in law is hard of hearing. Tonight I only got the edge of it, but I gather mother in law didn't hear difficult child 3 properly and asked him to repeat himself. And again. And again. difficult child 3 got frustrated and finally said, "It doesn't matter." mother in law, probably believing he was saying something that he shouldn't have and chose not to repeat it, began to insist. It began to escalate and niece intervened and I later heard her say that both were misbehaving. It was just too hectic and noisy for me to also keep insisting, and chase it up. I did get the chance to talk to niece about things, she also told me a few things she had observed (such as mother in law's behaviour yesterday when I left the house to work in the garden for a few minutes, to plant some broken-off bushes as cuttings. Apparently mother in law got very distressed because I went outside, was wailing that she had offended me again. It does account for her behaviour when I came back inside. Interestingly - the plant I was trying to salvage, was one I blamed niece for hitting with the car. When I came back inside and mother in law was asking me where I'd been, I said, "I was tidying up the plant that niece hit with the car." Niece said, "I didn't hit it," and I replied, "Well, I was tidying up the plant that someone hit." I know mother in law heard me. And it's her plant - her driveway, her home. But she was happy to let niece take the blame from me. Niece told me today what I was increasingly suspecting - mother in law herself drove over the plant. Now, it makes no difference to me. But she hid it. Even when I had mentioned it to her already a day or two earlier, mother in law acted surprised. But the more I thought about the timing, the more I realised it had to have been done before niece was allowed to drive mother in law's car. Niece confirmed today while she & I were out, that mother in law did it on the day she was driving niece to catch the boat. It's like mother in law is paranoid about being blamed for things, even when it's her own things and therefore absolutely doesn't matter. She's increasingly anxious about how she's perceived but also increasingly insistent on everything as she wants it, so she feels safe. Having young people in the house is something she loves, it seems to buck her up, but I'm wondering if she's cracking under the strain a bit. I think husband & I are going to have to have another talk to difficult child 3 and we need to develop a strategy to help him cope with her deafness. "Yes, repeat yourself. Or ask someone else to repeat what you said, if she still doesn't understand. But she's not asking you to repeat yourself just to be mean, she really didn't hear you." Again, this is the relativity problem again - difficult child 3 can hear perfectly well, so he can't understand how other people can't. So Ill try to explain this to her also, but the problem is - she's also increasingly egocentric (Aspie-style). Plus I think convinced difficult child 3 is saying mean things under his breath, knowing she has trouble hearing. And she is determined to know what he said, even if he said nothing. So - more accusations. If nothing else, I'm hoping difficult child 3 can learn some much-needed patience in all this. Because he's not the only difficult child! Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I LOVE autistics' honesty!
Top