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I love him/i hate him
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 100410"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Debdeb1031</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...because he was a drunk...</div></div></p><p></p><p>There is no past tense when talking about an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. The difference is whether that alcoholic is still consuming alcohol or abstaining from it. </p><p></p><p>He has to choose to get help. No amount of you wanting him to change is going to make it happen until he decides he is ready. Some come to that decision and others don't. Until then, your concerns are for you and your children. Have you ever attended an Al-Anon meeting? Others on this board have found it to be very helpful when dealing with children with a substance abuse problem. </p><p></p><p>My father is 58 and still hasn't come to that conclusion. He hit bottom 20 years ago and somehow managed to swim his way back up. I guess he's a functional drunk, in that he does well at work, etc. However, family relationships are a different story. I had him completely out of my life for several years and he reappeared this March. I wish he'd stayed away. </p><p></p><p>((((hugs)))) to you. You can't change him, no matter how much you love him and want it to be different. Try to remember that this is NOT a reflection on you. Don't allow his addiction and dependency on alcohol affect your self worth. Find an Al-Anon meeting. I think you'll find a lot of support and good tools there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 100410"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Debdeb1031</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...because he was a drunk...</div></div> There is no past tense when talking about an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. The difference is whether that alcoholic is still consuming alcohol or abstaining from it. He has to choose to get help. No amount of you wanting him to change is going to make it happen until he decides he is ready. Some come to that decision and others don't. Until then, your concerns are for you and your children. Have you ever attended an Al-Anon meeting? Others on this board have found it to be very helpful when dealing with children with a substance abuse problem. My father is 58 and still hasn't come to that conclusion. He hit bottom 20 years ago and somehow managed to swim his way back up. I guess he's a functional drunk, in that he does well at work, etc. However, family relationships are a different story. I had him completely out of my life for several years and he reappeared this March. I wish he'd stayed away. ((((hugs)))) to you. You can't change him, no matter how much you love him and want it to be different. Try to remember that this is NOT a reflection on you. Don't allow his addiction and dependency on alcohol affect your self worth. Find an Al-Anon meeting. I think you'll find a lot of support and good tools there. [/QUOTE]
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