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I love my son BUT
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 81186" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi, good to hear from you. I've been wondering how you were getting on. Still not great, huh?</p><p></p><p>A kid that size moving railway sleepers - I don't think difficult child 3 could do that now, and he's 13. Your kid has a helluva lot of strength.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad your mum finally was shocked by what she heard - she really does need to take him seriously. He is more than just a handful, there is a lot really wrong.</p><p></p><p>Did the therapist get the message that this wasn't you, it was him? What would have happened if you had forced this issue? Has it already got to the point where you can't do this in physical terms? If so, this is very bad. He is calling the shots and without being able to get a handle on why he is like this, as well as set up some strategy where under certain conditions, you have some control at least, life is going to get a lot harder.</p><p></p><p>Is this therapist any help? Can you go see her without difficult child, if he's refusing? I know it sounds silly, but difficult child 1's first pediatrician used to see me without difficult child 1, just take a report from me, some of the time. Of course, this would mean finding someone to mind him, which I know is a huge hassle with him.</p><p></p><p>Have you considered respite at all? Even if the diagnosis doesn't seem to fit, you DO have a diagnosis. Mind you, I can't lecture on this because I've never put difficult child 3 into respite, although people tell me I should have. But I also have more support than you, so I have had less need of it.</p><p></p><p>And sometimes, with the sort of respite you and I could access under these circumstances, they are impartial observers who see him for more than just the consultation period, they have him for long enough to really see what you're dealing with, and maybe provide their own ideas on what you could try.</p><p></p><p>I talked to easy child (one of the advantages of staying with her for a few days!) and she said in-home respite which would be for a few hours, is what you would be most eligible for (I used myself and difficult child 3 a few years ago as the example for her) and you would probably be able to access it through various local Community Services. The other sort of respite where the person goes to a care facility, is mostly only available if you're caring for frail aged or similar. Using respite regularly would not only give difficult child another person to observe him AT HOME, but also another influence.</p><p></p><p>It really seems strange (and very annoying/upsetting for you) that he is such a strict rule follower at school, but not at home where you really need it. And I know you do absolutely the best you can, you are a good mother. I could hear it when you and I talked on the phone, you have really tried everything and still done your utmost to be as consistent and firm with him as possible.</p><p></p><p>You have a difficult kid. He is not your fault. But you need to get on top of this - somehow - and I'm really at wits' end to know what you can do, with the state our health system is in.</p><p></p><p>With all the money our Federal government is throwing away right now in advertising campaigns for this and that (thinly disguised pre-election campaigning, with taxpayers money) you would think they could spare some to boost health services for diagnosis and intervention. Maybe the current negative publicity over that woman's miscarriage can open a door or two for you, if you approach your local state MP with the failure of the system to properly intervene here? The tricky thing is, some of what you need in terms of services and support is state-based, some is federal. And you're probably too exhausted to write letters or emails to anyone right now.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully someone else here will have more ideas. Meanwhile, my thinking cap is on - it tends to be anyway, where you are concerned. And now you've given me an update for my brain cells to work on!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 81186, member: 1991"] Hi, good to hear from you. I've been wondering how you were getting on. Still not great, huh? A kid that size moving railway sleepers - I don't think difficult child 3 could do that now, and he's 13. Your kid has a helluva lot of strength. I'm glad your mum finally was shocked by what she heard - she really does need to take him seriously. He is more than just a handful, there is a lot really wrong. Did the therapist get the message that this wasn't you, it was him? What would have happened if you had forced this issue? Has it already got to the point where you can't do this in physical terms? If so, this is very bad. He is calling the shots and without being able to get a handle on why he is like this, as well as set up some strategy where under certain conditions, you have some control at least, life is going to get a lot harder. Is this therapist any help? Can you go see her without difficult child, if he's refusing? I know it sounds silly, but difficult child 1's first pediatrician used to see me without difficult child 1, just take a report from me, some of the time. Of course, this would mean finding someone to mind him, which I know is a huge hassle with him. Have you considered respite at all? Even if the diagnosis doesn't seem to fit, you DO have a diagnosis. Mind you, I can't lecture on this because I've never put difficult child 3 into respite, although people tell me I should have. But I also have more support than you, so I have had less need of it. And sometimes, with the sort of respite you and I could access under these circumstances, they are impartial observers who see him for more than just the consultation period, they have him for long enough to really see what you're dealing with, and maybe provide their own ideas on what you could try. I talked to easy child (one of the advantages of staying with her for a few days!) and she said in-home respite which would be for a few hours, is what you would be most eligible for (I used myself and difficult child 3 a few years ago as the example for her) and you would probably be able to access it through various local Community Services. The other sort of respite where the person goes to a care facility, is mostly only available if you're caring for frail aged or similar. Using respite regularly would not only give difficult child another person to observe him AT HOME, but also another influence. It really seems strange (and very annoying/upsetting for you) that he is such a strict rule follower at school, but not at home where you really need it. And I know you do absolutely the best you can, you are a good mother. I could hear it when you and I talked on the phone, you have really tried everything and still done your utmost to be as consistent and firm with him as possible. You have a difficult kid. He is not your fault. But you need to get on top of this - somehow - and I'm really at wits' end to know what you can do, with the state our health system is in. With all the money our Federal government is throwing away right now in advertising campaigns for this and that (thinly disguised pre-election campaigning, with taxpayers money) you would think they could spare some to boost health services for diagnosis and intervention. Maybe the current negative publicity over that woman's miscarriage can open a door or two for you, if you approach your local state MP with the failure of the system to properly intervene here? The tricky thing is, some of what you need in terms of services and support is state-based, some is federal. And you're probably too exhausted to write letters or emails to anyone right now. Hopefully someone else here will have more ideas. Meanwhile, my thinking cap is on - it tends to be anyway, where you are concerned. And now you've given me an update for my brain cells to work on! Marg [/QUOTE]
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