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I love my son BUT
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 81430" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi there! </p><p></p><p>Don't believe we've ever spoken. My name is TLR aka Star. Glad you're here with us. </p><p></p><p>I read and re=read your post. No I don't have trouble with that Aussie accent haha, I just wanted to check something. Do you realize that you answer your own questions and very well at that?? </p><p></p><p>You seem to already know that the mental health worker (a very fresh and out of school or non-interested one) is not a good match, fit, or worth the bother. </p><p></p><p>You asked yourself "Do I need a psychiatric?" Yes. We all do to be able to deal with these kids. No shame in that I'm finished after 11 years of once a week visits. IT helped my family, it somewhat (what my son would allow) helped my son rather he 'wanted' to go or not we went. Sometimes he would just sit with his arms crossed or a pillow over his head, or glaring at the psychologist, but we got in the pattern of going once a week. It's the repetition that pays off. OH and there were days when I had to drag him kicking and screaming but we went. That was just the way of it. </p><p></p><p>I went because I needed someone to talk to about the ABSURD life I was living with this child. Had I not gone a.) I wouldn't have the skills I needed to say "have a nice life" when he turned 17 and we couldn't do anything else for him and b.) It gave me the ability to effectively communicate with my son ie: no bargaining, no threats to take away this or that...What I said I did, and I stuck by my word. Yes there were days as a single mother I wanted to put him in a box and mail him to Australia. What I learned by seeing a psychiatric and eventually dragging my fiance into the mix was that everyone can use a little counseling - that would include your daughter too - she's as much a part of this as your son. </p><p></p><p>The other odd thing I wonder/noticed was that your youngest has allergies. Is it possible that your son does? Could this be a place to start with his rages? Get a copy of the Feingold diet or go on line to his web site. IF the sister has allergies it is probable that your son does too. It may/may not stop the rages. </p><p></p><p></p><p>And know this. Despite ALL THE BEST intentions and love, caring, reading, therapy, sacrifices, time invested, crying and anger you fell eventually your child will be who he is. Therapy can help, having yourself learn effective communication skills can help, preparing yourself for the future, will help, but in the end the therapy prepares you for the worst so you can realize that you and your son are not ONE person. You don't OWN his problems and he will some day be moving out. IF he's 6 (mine was) I can tell you it took me 11 years to prepare for 17....and even when the day came that his behaviors were such I could not endure it one moment longer...my brain was ready for him to go live on his own and do the best he could because I did the best that I could. </p><p></p><p>You're a smart mum....and you have great insight, seems to me you just need help putting the pieces of the puzzle where they belong and when you have a difficult child in your home? THAT is almost impossible to do by your onesies. </p><p></p><p>Get help.....you deserve it. And not from that namby pamby counselor. She's in my humble opinion worthless for your cause. </p><p></p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 81430, member: 4964"] Hi there! Don't believe we've ever spoken. My name is TLR aka Star. Glad you're here with us. I read and re=read your post. No I don't have trouble with that Aussie accent haha, I just wanted to check something. Do you realize that you answer your own questions and very well at that?? You seem to already know that the mental health worker (a very fresh and out of school or non-interested one) is not a good match, fit, or worth the bother. You asked yourself "Do I need a psychiatric?" Yes. We all do to be able to deal with these kids. No shame in that I'm finished after 11 years of once a week visits. IT helped my family, it somewhat (what my son would allow) helped my son rather he 'wanted' to go or not we went. Sometimes he would just sit with his arms crossed or a pillow over his head, or glaring at the psychologist, but we got in the pattern of going once a week. It's the repetition that pays off. OH and there were days when I had to drag him kicking and screaming but we went. That was just the way of it. I went because I needed someone to talk to about the ABSURD life I was living with this child. Had I not gone a.) I wouldn't have the skills I needed to say "have a nice life" when he turned 17 and we couldn't do anything else for him and b.) It gave me the ability to effectively communicate with my son ie: no bargaining, no threats to take away this or that...What I said I did, and I stuck by my word. Yes there were days as a single mother I wanted to put him in a box and mail him to Australia. What I learned by seeing a psychiatric and eventually dragging my fiance into the mix was that everyone can use a little counseling - that would include your daughter too - she's as much a part of this as your son. The other odd thing I wonder/noticed was that your youngest has allergies. Is it possible that your son does? Could this be a place to start with his rages? Get a copy of the Feingold diet or go on line to his web site. IF the sister has allergies it is probable that your son does too. It may/may not stop the rages. And know this. Despite ALL THE BEST intentions and love, caring, reading, therapy, sacrifices, time invested, crying and anger you fell eventually your child will be who he is. Therapy can help, having yourself learn effective communication skills can help, preparing yourself for the future, will help, but in the end the therapy prepares you for the worst so you can realize that you and your son are not ONE person. You don't OWN his problems and he will some day be moving out. IF he's 6 (mine was) I can tell you it took me 11 years to prepare for 17....and even when the day came that his behaviors were such I could not endure it one moment longer...my brain was ready for him to go live on his own and do the best he could because I did the best that I could. You're a smart mum....and you have great insight, seems to me you just need help putting the pieces of the puzzle where they belong and when you have a difficult child in your home? THAT is almost impossible to do by your onesies. Get help.....you deserve it. And not from that namby pamby counselor. She's in my humble opinion worthless for your cause. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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