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Family of Origin
I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655477" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Remember when my daughter posted to my Facebook about narcissistic moms? And then told me she had done it, so I would be sure to know? </p><p></p><p>Ha!!!</p><p></p><p>Roar....</p><p></p><p>I was like...huh. ?!?</p><p></p><p>And then, I posted back that I loved her. </p><p></p><p>And I do.</p><p></p><p><em>A thousand times more than the people on my Facebook. Every one of them can believe whatever they like.</em></p><p></p><p>We all do things we regret, sometimes. It has to do with re-establishing our power bases, I think. It is when the hurting is consistent, or when, having come through the worst of a thing, we look back and really get it that these people, this family ~ that we had to go through it, alone. There was no one to help us understand; there was no one to hold us up as we went through it.</p><p></p><p>Condemnation from my own mother over what happened to my children; a kind of sly, discriminatory ~ I don't know. Something like rabid racism feels, from my own sister, toward my children, and to me. And then, one day, we see that in fact our vulnerabilities were <em>and have always been</em>...celebrated is the word, I suppose. Celebrated, the way a pack of sharks churns the bloodied water, the expressionless eyes rolling up beneath that third, transparent lid. </p><p></p><p>And so, we come away clean. We see who they are.</p><p></p><p>And that hurts.</p><p></p><p>But then, they attempt to do the same things regarding our children.</p><p></p><p>And that is a mistake, of course.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>And all I can conclude is that the badness won out. We weren't able to pull it together. There is no loyalty there, and there is no good will.</p><p></p><p>And seeing in this new way I am seeing explains all of it, except for the apparent hatred from my own mother, from my children's own grandmother.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>I don't need to know why and I don't need to "get" the win. It isn't about me. In the same way that the initial abuse had nothing to do with me and so, could not be changed or controlled or stopped by anything I did, so these true things about FOO are not about me, either.</p><p></p><p>We all were starving.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>But I have seen women who love their sisters, and who are loved by them. I have seen moms and daughters connected in that incredibly intimate way mothers are connected to their daughters and their sons.</p><p></p><p>So I know it exists, that kind of relating, that kind of loving.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>SWOT...how do you feel about the Facebook incident?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655477, member: 17461"] Remember when my daughter posted to my Facebook about narcissistic moms? And then told me she had done it, so I would be sure to know? Ha!!! Roar.... I was like...huh. ?!? And then, I posted back that I loved her. And I do. [I]A thousand times more than the people on my Facebook. Every one of them can believe whatever they like.[/I] We all do things we regret, sometimes. It has to do with re-establishing our power bases, I think. It is when the hurting is consistent, or when, having come through the worst of a thing, we look back and really get it that these people, this family ~ that we had to go through it, alone. There was no one to help us understand; there was no one to hold us up as we went through it. Condemnation from my own mother over what happened to my children; a kind of sly, discriminatory ~ I don't know. Something like rabid racism feels, from my own sister, toward my children, and to me. And then, one day, we see that in fact our vulnerabilities were [I]and have always been[/I]...celebrated is the word, I suppose. Celebrated, the way a pack of sharks churns the bloodied water, the expressionless eyes rolling up beneath that third, transparent lid. And so, we come away clean. We see who they are. And that hurts. But then, they attempt to do the same things regarding our children. And that is a mistake, of course. *** And all I can conclude is that the badness won out. We weren't able to pull it together. There is no loyalty there, and there is no good will. And seeing in this new way I am seeing explains all of it, except for the apparent hatred from my own mother, from my children's own grandmother. ? I don't need to know why and I don't need to "get" the win. It isn't about me. In the same way that the initial abuse had nothing to do with me and so, could not be changed or controlled or stopped by anything I did, so these true things about FOO are not about me, either. We all were starving. *** But I have seen women who love their sisters, and who are loved by them. I have seen moms and daughters connected in that incredibly intimate way mothers are connected to their daughters and their sons. So I know it exists, that kind of relating, that kind of loving. Cedar SWOT...how do you feel about the Facebook incident? [/QUOTE]
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