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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 365092" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know just how you feel!! I don't want a child with problems either!!! Heck, I don't even want a sibling with mental illness!!!</p><p></p><p>Whatever happened, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Period.</p><p></p><p>You are not God. You are not all powerful or omniscient. You cannot control much of anything in this world except yourself. Often we dwell on what we, as parents - esp as Moms- did to "cause" our kids to have problems. Seems kind of arrogant to think we are that powerful, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is 26, right? If he is not on his own then he needs to be. He may qualify for SSI or disability. He also may get help from vocational rehab. They are things to look into. If he cannot handle things on his own then you may have to encourage him to find a group home or subsidized housing. These things can be arranged though it will take some work.</p><p></p><p>If he is blaming everything on you then he needs to be allowed to do it on his own. Often our kids are not capable of learning anything except by experience. Hearing that someone was hurt by something makes a difficult child wonder if he could do it and have a different outcome. </p><p></p><p>You may find it helpful to read through the archives for info and ideas. I would focus on articles about detachment if I were you. It is probably the most emotionally healthy way to handle an adult difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 365092, member: 1233"] I know just how you feel!! I don't want a child with problems either!!! Heck, I don't even want a sibling with mental illness!!! Whatever happened, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Period. You are not God. You are not all powerful or omniscient. You cannot control much of anything in this world except yourself. Often we dwell on what we, as parents - esp as Moms- did to "cause" our kids to have problems. Seems kind of arrogant to think we are that powerful, doesn't it? Your difficult child is 26, right? If he is not on his own then he needs to be. He may qualify for SSI or disability. He also may get help from vocational rehab. They are things to look into. If he cannot handle things on his own then you may have to encourage him to find a group home or subsidized housing. These things can be arranged though it will take some work. If he is blaming everything on you then he needs to be allowed to do it on his own. Often our kids are not capable of learning anything except by experience. Hearing that someone was hurt by something makes a difficult child wonder if he could do it and have a different outcome. You may find it helpful to read through the archives for info and ideas. I would focus on articles about detachment if I were you. It is probably the most emotionally healthy way to handle an adult difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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