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Parent Emeritus
I"m back with no hope
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 365135" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Nope, it's not fair at all <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Hope? The hope I would offer you is that YOU can feel better about this. I can't guarantee that your son will get better... but what I've learned is that by working on myself and my reactions to my kids' behavior, the overall situation improved and didn't drive me so crazy any more. In turn, they didn't *act* quite so "crazy" any more, at least around me. The more help I sought for myself (not for them, mind you, for ME), the better I got at detaching, and the better I got at establishing boundaries and letting them know what behavior I would and wouldn't accept. Lo and behold, they slowly stopped abusing me and taking advantage of me. Oh they haven't stopped completely, and they still don't seek enough help for themselves and make lousy decisions, and my Oldest in particular can still be pretty unstable from a M.I. standpoint, but we're not so enmeshed with each other. My happiness isn't as dependent on their stability as it used to be. I wanted them to be someone else's problem, too, and guess what? They are.. they are their OWN problem (and whatever codependent folks that choose to be around them), not mine. They're adults.</p><p></p><p>I realize that sounds very simplistic, and it really isn't ... it takes a LOT of practice. It took me years to get to this point. But there IS hope for your own sanity and sense of stability.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 365135, member: 1157"] Nope, it's not fair at all :( Hope? The hope I would offer you is that YOU can feel better about this. I can't guarantee that your son will get better... but what I've learned is that by working on myself and my reactions to my kids' behavior, the overall situation improved and didn't drive me so crazy any more. In turn, they didn't *act* quite so "crazy" any more, at least around me. The more help I sought for myself (not for them, mind you, for ME), the better I got at detaching, and the better I got at establishing boundaries and letting them know what behavior I would and wouldn't accept. Lo and behold, they slowly stopped abusing me and taking advantage of me. Oh they haven't stopped completely, and they still don't seek enough help for themselves and make lousy decisions, and my Oldest in particular can still be pretty unstable from a M.I. standpoint, but we're not so enmeshed with each other. My happiness isn't as dependent on their stability as it used to be. I wanted them to be someone else's problem, too, and guess what? They are.. they are their OWN problem (and whatever codependent folks that choose to be around them), not mine. They're adults. I realize that sounds very simplistic, and it really isn't ... it takes a LOT of practice. It took me years to get to this point. But there IS hope for your own sanity and sense of stability. [/QUOTE]
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