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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 654436" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>It takes two people to work on a relationship so do not blame yourself that there is a rift between the two of you. It does not sound like you were close as children and if she was manipulating situations back then I would imagine not much has changed.</p><p> </p><p>Here's some of my family history:</p><p> </p><p>My oldest sister and I used to be very, very close. We live in different states but spoke on the phone almost every day. After our mother passed away she moved in with our dad. (back story: at age 43 sister was living with another family at the time, not paying rent but going to school. She moved from one state to the state our dad lived in. She lived with him rent free, continued to go to school and worked a part time job. Our dad did not require "care" he was very active and would come spend summer months with me and my husband. My dad would share his concerns with me about how she did not handle her money well. She lived with our dad for 11 years before he passed away. Again, she never paid rent, she did not pay for food, our dad had a housekeeper that came into clean, all she did for him was cook and do laundry. He also helped her out finacially) Fast forward: The year before our dad passed away, he came to spend the summer with me. During one of our chats, we could talk about anything, he asked me "what are your plans for my house when I pass?" I told him that we (me and my sisters) would probably sell it unless there was something else he wanted us to do with it.</p><p>He said "no, that's fine, I just don't want there to be any arguing"</p><p>About 6 months later my dad's health started to decline, he was 85 and he was winding down. Three months before he passed I was talking to my sister and I asker her what her plans were when our dad passed. She told me that she would probably move to the state where her daughter and grandsons lived so she could be closer to them.</p><p> </p><p>The day came. Our dad passed, very peacefully.</p><p> </p><p>Three days later I get a panicked phone call from sister, she is crying and she tells me she doesn't know what she's going to do, she's now homeless and feels that she should get our dad's house. I was absolutely flabbergasted!! Not what I expected since that is not what she had told me. She also did not want me to discuss it with our other sisters. HELLO!!! I have to. I also asked what happened to you moving to the state your daughter is in? She said "I don't have any money"</p><p>After discussing this with the other sisters we decided that no, she would not just "get" the house. Our dad's will was specific in that everything was divided equally and if he wanted her to have the house he would have made that clear. Outside of the sale of the house our dad also had some money that he left to us. Now she couldn't claim to not have the money to move, right? Wrong. She tells us she has $50,000 in student loan debt. I asked her, what have you been doing these past 11 years with your money, haven't you saved anything?? To which she replied that was none of my business. We each took money out of our portions to give her $5000.00 for moving expenses.</p><p> </p><p>We put the house on the market and it sold. Wait for it.............................................</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>My sister still lives in that house and has been for the last 6 years. Somehow she managed to manipulate the woman who purchased it to let her live in it rent free in exchange for helping this woman with household tasks.</p><p> </p><p>Don't get me wrong, I will always be grateful that she lived with him and was there "just in case" something happened. I will always love my sister. After all the years we were so close to have it come to this is just so sad. I too miss my sister, I miss the relationship we used to have. It was probably 3 years before we spoke to each other after everything was done. Now, we speak maybe once a year. We share things on FB but our relationship will never be what it used to be. I had to come to terms with that and I'm ok with it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 654436, member: 18516"] It takes two people to work on a relationship so do not blame yourself that there is a rift between the two of you. It does not sound like you were close as children and if she was manipulating situations back then I would imagine not much has changed. Here's some of my family history: My oldest sister and I used to be very, very close. We live in different states but spoke on the phone almost every day. After our mother passed away she moved in with our dad. (back story: at age 43 sister was living with another family at the time, not paying rent but going to school. She moved from one state to the state our dad lived in. She lived with him rent free, continued to go to school and worked a part time job. Our dad did not require "care" he was very active and would come spend summer months with me and my husband. My dad would share his concerns with me about how she did not handle her money well. She lived with our dad for 11 years before he passed away. Again, she never paid rent, she did not pay for food, our dad had a housekeeper that came into clean, all she did for him was cook and do laundry. He also helped her out finacially) Fast forward: The year before our dad passed away, he came to spend the summer with me. During one of our chats, we could talk about anything, he asked me "what are your plans for my house when I pass?" I told him that we (me and my sisters) would probably sell it unless there was something else he wanted us to do with it. He said "no, that's fine, I just don't want there to be any arguing" About 6 months later my dad's health started to decline, he was 85 and he was winding down. Three months before he passed I was talking to my sister and I asker her what her plans were when our dad passed. She told me that she would probably move to the state where her daughter and grandsons lived so she could be closer to them. The day came. Our dad passed, very peacefully. Three days later I get a panicked phone call from sister, she is crying and she tells me she doesn't know what she's going to do, she's now homeless and feels that she should get our dad's house. I was absolutely flabbergasted!! Not what I expected since that is not what she had told me. She also did not want me to discuss it with our other sisters. HELLO!!! I have to. I also asked what happened to you moving to the state your daughter is in? She said "I don't have any money" After discussing this with the other sisters we decided that no, she would not just "get" the house. Our dad's will was specific in that everything was divided equally and if he wanted her to have the house he would have made that clear. Outside of the sale of the house our dad also had some money that he left to us. Now she couldn't claim to not have the money to move, right? Wrong. She tells us she has $50,000 in student loan debt. I asked her, what have you been doing these past 11 years with your money, haven't you saved anything?? To which she replied that was none of my business. We each took money out of our portions to give her $5000.00 for moving expenses. We put the house on the market and it sold. Wait for it............................................. My sister still lives in that house and has been for the last 6 years. Somehow she managed to manipulate the woman who purchased it to let her live in it rent free in exchange for helping this woman with household tasks. Don't get me wrong, I will always be grateful that she lived with him and was there "just in case" something happened. I will always love my sister. After all the years we were so close to have it come to this is just so sad. I too miss my sister, I miss the relationship we used to have. It was probably 3 years before we spoke to each other after everything was done. Now, we speak maybe once a year. We share things on FB but our relationship will never be what it used to be. I had to come to terms with that and I'm ok with it. [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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