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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 486386" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Janet's idea is an excellent one. I did a journal........the old fashion write it down kind.</p><p></p><p>But I also unloaded some junk on my mom, no where near all of it, but she'd say the wrong thing or ask the wrong question and it would just come pouring out of my mouth until I ran out of gas. </p><p></p><p>I remember one time in particular. I did the diarrhea of the mouth thing for a good 45 mins while she just watched me in utter horror. I think it made it worse that I didn't even raise my voice. Then when I paused she said OMG you must hate me so much! I answered the poor woman honestly. I told her I spent my entire childhood hating her, despising her. Poor woman nearly crumpled to the floor. But it was within that moment that I realized part of the reason she couldn't protect me from the sexual abuse was that I'd kept my mouth shut about it. My child self's expectations of what she should've done didn't match up with an adult / mother's experience told me. She couldn't read my mind. She couldn't be everywhere at once. Yes she certainly made mistakes......but it wasn't her intention not to protect me from sexual abuse. One of my major Aha! moments. (she was still guilty of her own abuse and neglect but they weren't one and the same) Because I realized then how much I'd clung to that hatred and rage at her for not protecting me.......I'd never realized it until then that I'd done it to that extreme. </p><p></p><p>So, I'd set a time limit (you can't stay on the phone or in a chair all day and it's not good for him either) and let him talk. Some of it is that he honestly needs you to hear it and to be assured it doesn't change your opinion of him. If his emotions get out of control while you're talking you can tell him he needs to stop and take a break, you can talk later once the emotions are back under control. </p><p></p><p>Most is that it just has to come pouring out because he's held it in so long. But some he most likely does, like I said, need you to hear.</p><p></p><p>I only had a couple of such talks with my Mom. After that, I got that it was just too much for her, and stuck to the therapist and journal. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 486386, member: 84"] Janet's idea is an excellent one. I did a journal........the old fashion write it down kind. But I also unloaded some junk on my mom, no where near all of it, but she'd say the wrong thing or ask the wrong question and it would just come pouring out of my mouth until I ran out of gas. I remember one time in particular. I did the diarrhea of the mouth thing for a good 45 mins while she just watched me in utter horror. I think it made it worse that I didn't even raise my voice. Then when I paused she said OMG you must hate me so much! I answered the poor woman honestly. I told her I spent my entire childhood hating her, despising her. Poor woman nearly crumpled to the floor. But it was within that moment that I realized part of the reason she couldn't protect me from the sexual abuse was that I'd kept my mouth shut about it. My child self's expectations of what she should've done didn't match up with an adult / mother's experience told me. She couldn't read my mind. She couldn't be everywhere at once. Yes she certainly made mistakes......but it wasn't her intention not to protect me from sexual abuse. One of my major Aha! moments. (she was still guilty of her own abuse and neglect but they weren't one and the same) Because I realized then how much I'd clung to that hatred and rage at her for not protecting me.......I'd never realized it until then that I'd done it to that extreme. So, I'd set a time limit (you can't stay on the phone or in a chair all day and it's not good for him either) and let him talk. Some of it is that he honestly needs you to hear it and to be assured it doesn't change your opinion of him. If his emotions get out of control while you're talking you can tell him he needs to stop and take a break, you can talk later once the emotions are back under control. Most is that it just has to come pouring out because he's held it in so long. But some he most likely does, like I said, need you to hear. I only had a couple of such talks with my Mom. After that, I got that it was just too much for her, and stuck to the therapist and journal. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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