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Substance Abuse
I need encouragement to do the right thing...
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 602750" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Sven, </p><p>Thank you. </p><p></p><p>I woke up this morning feeling "happy" that it's Friday...greeted with a kiss goodbye from my husband who reminded me that we are now married 27 yrs and one day (we celebrated our Anniversary yesterday). Then that happy feeling I had began to disappear as I remembered that today is the day we tell Young difficult child it is time to move on...</p><p></p><p>A few days ago my daughter in law called me. She was asking what they "call it in the newspapers when someone dies". I said, You mean "Obituary"? She said, "Yes, that's it". </p><p>Earlier that day she had gone to her childhood neighborhood with the grandkids and ran into a mom of a boy she used to know. She said this boy had everything going for him: Good looks, smart, charming, etc. </p><p>Sadly, he was a "bad alcoholic" as his mother went onto to tell daughter in law. He took his life last October by jumping off a high rise Apt building in Dallas after having a fight with his girlfriend. daughter in law couldn't believe it. Apparently, this young man was an only child. daughter in law went on to tell the mom about Young difficult child and his Alcoholism and addiction to pain medications. The mom told daughter in law "Do not give him anything that he does not work for". daughter in law wasn't sure what this meant but didn't ask for the mom to explain. </p><p></p><p>I told daughter in law that it sounded to me like the mom "thought" she had not done enough empowering with her son. That perhaps she felt like he had a sense of entitlement and that maybe she felt responsible in some way. </p><p>It's so very sad. I think about all the ways that I too, have tried to "give" young difficult child a way out of his disease...and yet all it seems to have done is nurture the problem. </p><p></p><p>I know that while my son's were growing up, I often tried to make life "easier" on them. Their homework often became mine too: book reports, science fair projects, etc. And their problems... I would try to give them the most well thought solution I could come up with...How wrong I was as I look back. </p><p></p><p>In hindsight, I wish I had made my son's "think for themselves". I wish I had not crippled them so much. I wish I had let them fall more than once and just encouraged them to get up again and keep trying. But instead, I was a mom who thought it my job to be "johnny on the spot" with every problem. </p><p></p><p>And addiction...I can't solve this problem for my son, Young difficult child. This is a battle he must struggle with on his own. </p><p>Like I reminded daughter in law, this goes beyond culture, socio economic background, does not get better by throwing any amounts money or even fame at it.</p><p></p><p>As a child, I often took young difficult child "under my wing". He was my special project. </p><p>See...Oldest difficult child is the extrovert, the charmer, the "winner" (he was husband's quarterback for 5 yrs that husband coached football), He had "gifts" that aligned well with husband. </p><p>Then there was easy child. Sweet, adorable, easy child...she was so quiet and unassuming as a child. Never causing any problems. </p><p></p><p>Young difficult child...He is an introvert. He is a "thinker" not a doer. He loves the weather, philosophy, debates. He played football on husband's team for 2 yrs...but was not a "star" like oldest difficult child. I then got him into baseball, soccer, and even private art lessens...he was always VERY creative. </p><p></p><p>By 3rd grade I got young difficult child a Mentor at school. Young difficult child was so lonely, I felt. I gave him extra back rubs at night and visited about his day, his thoughts, what he thought about his future, etc. </p><p>And on Saturday mornings, Young difficult child and I would build the most fantastic Lego creations together...sigh, of course when he would get mad about something a few days later, he would grab one of our "masterpieces" and throw it down. Never could understand why he would destroy something that would take so much time energy and even "love" to build....and yet, isn't he still doing this today? </p><p></p><p>And...when oldest difficult child went to prison while using Meth and stealing from husband, it was Young difficult child's decision to join the Army when he found out his wife was pregnant. He was "trying" to step up and do the right thing. Trying to be different than his brother. </p><p>See, when the two of them were sent to drug rehab around age 13/14, drug rehab let us know that Young difficult child and Oldest difficult child had a very "co-dependent" relationship. They were trying to get young difficult child to think for himself. They even went so far as to put "Puppet strings" on young difficult child's arms to remind him of the hold his brother had on him. </p><p></p><p>Well now Oldest difficult child is doing very well in life. Far from the dark days of Meth, Thank goodness. Oldest difficult child is married to an older woman, expecting his 3rd baby girl early September, owns his own home that they had built, and now is a partner in his own business. He is an extremely hard worker. </p><p></p><p>So part of me worries and wonders...What will Young difficult child do this time to set himself "apart from his brother"? </p><p>I don't know. I pray he will get the help he needs one day as when he was around 14/15 he got dxd with Bipolar Disorder, like me. </p><p></p><p>He is an emotional young man. He has not talked of suicide though in quite some time. Maybe he is done with that kind of thinking, I pray. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what to expect next. </p><p>But yes, tonight is the night young difficult child will begin his "new life" outside of our provisions. </p><p>I have my concerns. </p><p></p><p>Please say just alittle prayer that young difficult child will survive and get the help he needs someday. I wish, so much, that he would put his family before drugs and alcohol. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all for listening to me and for caring, </p><p>Love,</p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 602750, member: 3305"] Sven, Thank you. I woke up this morning feeling "happy" that it's Friday...greeted with a kiss goodbye from my husband who reminded me that we are now married 27 yrs and one day (we celebrated our Anniversary yesterday). Then that happy feeling I had began to disappear as I remembered that today is the day we tell Young difficult child it is time to move on... A few days ago my daughter in law called me. She was asking what they "call it in the newspapers when someone dies". I said, You mean "Obituary"? She said, "Yes, that's it". Earlier that day she had gone to her childhood neighborhood with the grandkids and ran into a mom of a boy she used to know. She said this boy had everything going for him: Good looks, smart, charming, etc. Sadly, he was a "bad alcoholic" as his mother went onto to tell daughter in law. He took his life last October by jumping off a high rise Apt building in Dallas after having a fight with his girlfriend. daughter in law couldn't believe it. Apparently, this young man was an only child. daughter in law went on to tell the mom about Young difficult child and his Alcoholism and addiction to pain medications. The mom told daughter in law "Do not give him anything that he does not work for". daughter in law wasn't sure what this meant but didn't ask for the mom to explain. I told daughter in law that it sounded to me like the mom "thought" she had not done enough empowering with her son. That perhaps she felt like he had a sense of entitlement and that maybe she felt responsible in some way. It's so very sad. I think about all the ways that I too, have tried to "give" young difficult child a way out of his disease...and yet all it seems to have done is nurture the problem. I know that while my son's were growing up, I often tried to make life "easier" on them. Their homework often became mine too: book reports, science fair projects, etc. And their problems... I would try to give them the most well thought solution I could come up with...How wrong I was as I look back. In hindsight, I wish I had made my son's "think for themselves". I wish I had not crippled them so much. I wish I had let them fall more than once and just encouraged them to get up again and keep trying. But instead, I was a mom who thought it my job to be "johnny on the spot" with every problem. And addiction...I can't solve this problem for my son, Young difficult child. This is a battle he must struggle with on his own. Like I reminded daughter in law, this goes beyond culture, socio economic background, does not get better by throwing any amounts money or even fame at it. As a child, I often took young difficult child "under my wing". He was my special project. See...Oldest difficult child is the extrovert, the charmer, the "winner" (he was husband's quarterback for 5 yrs that husband coached football), He had "gifts" that aligned well with husband. Then there was easy child. Sweet, adorable, easy child...she was so quiet and unassuming as a child. Never causing any problems. Young difficult child...He is an introvert. He is a "thinker" not a doer. He loves the weather, philosophy, debates. He played football on husband's team for 2 yrs...but was not a "star" like oldest difficult child. I then got him into baseball, soccer, and even private art lessens...he was always VERY creative. By 3rd grade I got young difficult child a Mentor at school. Young difficult child was so lonely, I felt. I gave him extra back rubs at night and visited about his day, his thoughts, what he thought about his future, etc. And on Saturday mornings, Young difficult child and I would build the most fantastic Lego creations together...sigh, of course when he would get mad about something a few days later, he would grab one of our "masterpieces" and throw it down. Never could understand why he would destroy something that would take so much time energy and even "love" to build....and yet, isn't he still doing this today? And...when oldest difficult child went to prison while using Meth and stealing from husband, it was Young difficult child's decision to join the Army when he found out his wife was pregnant. He was "trying" to step up and do the right thing. Trying to be different than his brother. See, when the two of them were sent to drug rehab around age 13/14, drug rehab let us know that Young difficult child and Oldest difficult child had a very "co-dependent" relationship. They were trying to get young difficult child to think for himself. They even went so far as to put "Puppet strings" on young difficult child's arms to remind him of the hold his brother had on him. Well now Oldest difficult child is doing very well in life. Far from the dark days of Meth, Thank goodness. Oldest difficult child is married to an older woman, expecting his 3rd baby girl early September, owns his own home that they had built, and now is a partner in his own business. He is an extremely hard worker. So part of me worries and wonders...What will Young difficult child do this time to set himself "apart from his brother"? I don't know. I pray he will get the help he needs one day as when he was around 14/15 he got dxd with Bipolar Disorder, like me. He is an emotional young man. He has not talked of suicide though in quite some time. Maybe he is done with that kind of thinking, I pray. I don't know what to expect next. But yes, tonight is the night young difficult child will begin his "new life" outside of our provisions. I have my concerns. Please say just alittle prayer that young difficult child will survive and get the help he needs someday. I wish, so much, that he would put his family before drugs and alcohol. Thank you all for listening to me and for caring, Love, LMS [/QUOTE]
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