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I Need some objective and experienced opinions.....
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 599971" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>WTWE, I know it's impossible to keep the emotions out of it, but just for the sake of clarity I'm going to boil the situation down to its core elements. A bit like an equation.</p><p></p><p>Process A:</p><p>difficult child is willing to have you in his life IF:</p><p>1) you foot the bills</p><p>2) all contact is on his terms</p><p></p><p>So: IF you pay difficult child's bills AND all contact is on his terms, THEN difficult child will allow you in his life. ELSE difficult child will break all contact.</p><p></p><p>Process B:</p><p>You are willing to support difficult child's IF:</p><p>1) he follows your rules</p><p>2) he maintains contact on your terms</p><p></p><p>So: IF difficult child follows the rules AND contact is on your terms THEN you will pay difficult child's bills. ELSE you withdraw support.</p><p></p><p>I'm having trouble with the "Else" condition for process B. difficult child has not shown himself willing to follow your rules or adhere to contracts so far. I don't think this is likely to change with his current mind set. You're already at the point of process failure for B, and A is untenable.</p><p></p><p>I think that leaves only the third option, which is to do as your difficult child wishes. Stand aside and let him sink or swim. Some people (myself included) are hard-wired to have to learn things for themselves. Sometimes the lessons are difficult and painful. Sometimes they are excruciating. But it's looks like it's the only way he will learn. I think at this point, supporting your difficult child will just prolong the misery before you come to this place again, at some point in the future.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're having to face this. There are no good options in this situation, only less horrible ones. Ultimately, you have to do whatever you can live with doing.</p><p></p><p>Sending many hugs,</p><p>*Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 599971, member: 3907"] WTWE, I know it's impossible to keep the emotions out of it, but just for the sake of clarity I'm going to boil the situation down to its core elements. A bit like an equation. Process A: difficult child is willing to have you in his life IF: 1) you foot the bills 2) all contact is on his terms So: IF you pay difficult child's bills AND all contact is on his terms, THEN difficult child will allow you in his life. ELSE difficult child will break all contact. Process B: You are willing to support difficult child's IF: 1) he follows your rules 2) he maintains contact on your terms So: IF difficult child follows the rules AND contact is on your terms THEN you will pay difficult child's bills. ELSE you withdraw support. I'm having trouble with the "Else" condition for process B. difficult child has not shown himself willing to follow your rules or adhere to contracts so far. I don't think this is likely to change with his current mind set. You're already at the point of process failure for B, and A is untenable. I think that leaves only the third option, which is to do as your difficult child wishes. Stand aside and let him sink or swim. Some people (myself included) are hard-wired to have to learn things for themselves. Sometimes the lessons are difficult and painful. Sometimes they are excruciating. But it's looks like it's the only way he will learn. I think at this point, supporting your difficult child will just prolong the misery before you come to this place again, at some point in the future. I'm sorry you're having to face this. There are no good options in this situation, only less horrible ones. Ultimately, you have to do whatever you can live with doing. Sending many hugs, *Trinity [/QUOTE]
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I Need some objective and experienced opinions.....
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