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General Parenting
I need some wise advice here for something that has been deeply troubling
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627255" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Look, you can stop doing it right now. It's not too late. It is madness in my opinion to continue to do this now that you see that it has not been helpful. We all take a walk when we have "different" children and we learn on our travels.</p><p></p><p>I would not tell them anything else anymore. I would find a twelve step group or a therapist for yourself or both. You didn't do anything wrong. Most ofus grew up in dysfunctional, nutty families and we only learn about the right way to do things by experiencing our own deeds that don't work out. I'd give auntie, uncle, mom, dad and everyone the slip. If you want to tell a white lie, that won't hurt anyone, you can say you are seeing a therapist and he doesn't want you to talk to anyone about your daughter except him/her. Put the blame on him, but be firm about saying you agree with him and do not add to it by telling them anything else. Sounds like your family is beating you down as much as your kid. Unfortunately, in dysfunctional or nosey, enmeshed families, this is common. Do NOT blame yourself. You didn't know.</p><p></p><p>The only reason I knew was because my own family was so mean that I didn't dare give them fodder to use against me when it came to my children.Trust me, I just got finished with a long thread about how I confided in my loony sister only to have her throw my secrets back at me in a nasty way. But I didn't tell her about my kids at any time because I was afraid to do that. Let her throw mud at me about me, but not my kids.</p><p></p><p>You just took one big step in the long learning curb we all face.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627255, member: 1550"] Look, you can stop doing it right now. It's not too late. It is madness in my opinion to continue to do this now that you see that it has not been helpful. We all take a walk when we have "different" children and we learn on our travels. I would not tell them anything else anymore. I would find a twelve step group or a therapist for yourself or both. You didn't do anything wrong. Most ofus grew up in dysfunctional, nutty families and we only learn about the right way to do things by experiencing our own deeds that don't work out. I'd give auntie, uncle, mom, dad and everyone the slip. If you want to tell a white lie, that won't hurt anyone, you can say you are seeing a therapist and he doesn't want you to talk to anyone about your daughter except him/her. Put the blame on him, but be firm about saying you agree with him and do not add to it by telling them anything else. Sounds like your family is beating you down as much as your kid. Unfortunately, in dysfunctional or nosey, enmeshed families, this is common. Do NOT blame yourself. You didn't know. The only reason I knew was because my own family was so mean that I didn't dare give them fodder to use against me when it came to my children.Trust me, I just got finished with a long thread about how I confided in my loony sister only to have her throw my secrets back at me in a nasty way. But I didn't tell her about my kids at any time because I was afraid to do that. Let her throw mud at me about me, but not my kids. You just took one big step in the long learning curb we all face. [/QUOTE]
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I need some wise advice here for something that has been deeply troubling
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