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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 666971" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>OM61, welcome back! I'm sorry you have had to come back, but glad you have once again found us ---a place of support, encouragement and ideas.</p><p></p><p>My son's steep dive off the cliff occurred when he was 19. He was of legal age so it's a bit different from your situation. He had no diagnosis but he is has always had some level of anxiety and mild depression, shyness and reserve, didn't like new situations. I think one reason he started using substances is to make himself fit in better with the world --- his trigger---but then it moved to addiction (well established in both sides of our family). </p><p></p><p> I felt like the system really protected him in some ways, since he was an adult, and I couldn't intervene much via the system or via him as he didn't want any "help" and didn't want to change.</p><p></p><p>Looking back at my own situation, I wish I had pushed harder when he was in h.s. for intervention with him, not to say it would have changed anything, but it might have affected how far down he went...who knows? I didn't know what I didn't know anyway.</p><p></p><p>In your situation, it sounds like you have a firm grasp on your son's diagnosis. My best idea for you would be to get every possible service you can now, while he is a minor. If you have already done that, perhaps it's time to turn the focus on you. </p><p></p><p>You aren't superwoman and you can't fix everything for everybody. As much as we want to, we can't. We can only do our best, and then leave the outcome to our Higher Power, however we define that.</p><p></p><p>Learning to do that...well now..that is hard, as you well know. It is a lifelong journey of changing ourselves, and accepting what is, not what we would like it to be. My pie-in-the-sky dreams for both of my sons were just that, pie up in the sky. It was never going to happen anyway, because my dreams weren't reality. All of that has been a huge awakening for me, and a process of acceptance, and working on myself, and learning to let go of all people, places and things. I still mess up a lot, but I have made progress.</p><p></p><p>I've found that daily work is what supports the change and creates a new foundation from which to operate in all of life. My work includes reading books like CoDependent No More, Boundaries and any and all Al-Anon literature, writing in a journal, prayer/meditation/quiet, exercise, writing a gratitude list, talking with trusted friends, attending Al-Anon meetings, and learning how to wait and not react. When I'm all twisted up, I try to take extra good care of me, lay low for a few hours or a day, and most importantly...refrain from taking any action. I am working to feel my feelings honestly but not act on them. Sometimes I can do it, and sometimes I can't, and that's okay...it's a journey and a process.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs from me to you today. Please keep posting and sharing. We are here to support you, whatever you decide to do...or not. Have a good Labor Day today!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 666971, member: 17542"] OM61, welcome back! I'm sorry you have had to come back, but glad you have once again found us ---a place of support, encouragement and ideas. My son's steep dive off the cliff occurred when he was 19. He was of legal age so it's a bit different from your situation. He had no diagnosis but he is has always had some level of anxiety and mild depression, shyness and reserve, didn't like new situations. I think one reason he started using substances is to make himself fit in better with the world --- his trigger---but then it moved to addiction (well established in both sides of our family). I felt like the system really protected him in some ways, since he was an adult, and I couldn't intervene much via the system or via him as he didn't want any "help" and didn't want to change. Looking back at my own situation, I wish I had pushed harder when he was in h.s. for intervention with him, not to say it would have changed anything, but it might have affected how far down he went...who knows? I didn't know what I didn't know anyway. In your situation, it sounds like you have a firm grasp on your son's diagnosis. My best idea for you would be to get every possible service you can now, while he is a minor. If you have already done that, perhaps it's time to turn the focus on you. You aren't superwoman and you can't fix everything for everybody. As much as we want to, we can't. We can only do our best, and then leave the outcome to our Higher Power, however we define that. Learning to do that...well now..that is hard, as you well know. It is a lifelong journey of changing ourselves, and accepting what is, not what we would like it to be. My pie-in-the-sky dreams for both of my sons were just that, pie up in the sky. It was never going to happen anyway, because my dreams weren't reality. All of that has been a huge awakening for me, and a process of acceptance, and working on myself, and learning to let go of all people, places and things. I still mess up a lot, but I have made progress. I've found that daily work is what supports the change and creates a new foundation from which to operate in all of life. My work includes reading books like CoDependent No More, Boundaries and any and all Al-Anon literature, writing in a journal, prayer/meditation/quiet, exercise, writing a gratitude list, talking with trusted friends, attending Al-Anon meetings, and learning how to wait and not react. When I'm all twisted up, I try to take extra good care of me, lay low for a few hours or a day, and most importantly...refrain from taking any action. I am working to feel my feelings honestly but not act on them. Sometimes I can do it, and sometimes I can't, and that's okay...it's a journey and a process. Warm hugs from me to you today. Please keep posting and sharing. We are here to support you, whatever you decide to do...or not. Have a good Labor Day today! [/QUOTE]
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