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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740213" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Oh Copa. I am so sorry. I read your posts and sometimes I feel like we are parenting the same child. Or man - I have to remind myself that these are grown men we are taking about. </p><p></p><p>I have had this same conversation with C. The suicide threats. The defeat. The ‘nothing I can do so may as well not change’ mentality. Are the suicide threats real or manipulation? I don’t know. I think the despair is real. But I can’t fix it. </p><p></p><p>I don’t have answers either, except to reinforce what you’ve already said: you matter, and your life and health and peace matter. And there is no guarantee we can save them even if we bring them home or pay to put a roof over their heads. We’ve tried that. And it didn’t work. They are operating day to day, with no thought to the future or how the actions they take (or fail to take) today will affect that future. </p><p></p><p>Do what you must do to protect yourself. We have given them everything a parent owes a child and then some. They will keep taking as long as we let them. At this stage, it should be a two way street, a more equal relationship with support and love flowing both ways. Grown kids should be able to help their parents as much as the other way around. We are not meant to pour and pour and pour of ourselves our whole lives and never get anything in return. It can’t be sustained, or endured. We are not God, with infinite capacity to give of ourselves and absorb abuse without refreshing our spirits. </p><p></p><p>It makes me so sad to think we may never have a relationship with our wayward ones the way it is supposed to be. But it is the reality we have right now. I’m so sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740213, member: 23349"] Oh Copa. I am so sorry. I read your posts and sometimes I feel like we are parenting the same child. Or man - I have to remind myself that these are grown men we are taking about. I have had this same conversation with C. The suicide threats. The defeat. The ‘nothing I can do so may as well not change’ mentality. Are the suicide threats real or manipulation? I don’t know. I think the despair is real. But I can’t fix it. I don’t have answers either, except to reinforce what you’ve already said: you matter, and your life and health and peace matter. And there is no guarantee we can save them even if we bring them home or pay to put a roof over their heads. We’ve tried that. And it didn’t work. They are operating day to day, with no thought to the future or how the actions they take (or fail to take) today will affect that future. Do what you must do to protect yourself. We have given them everything a parent owes a child and then some. They will keep taking as long as we let them. At this stage, it should be a two way street, a more equal relationship with support and love flowing both ways. Grown kids should be able to help their parents as much as the other way around. We are not meant to pour and pour and pour of ourselves our whole lives and never get anything in return. It can’t be sustained, or endured. We are not God, with infinite capacity to give of ourselves and absorb abuse without refreshing our spirits. It makes me so sad to think we may never have a relationship with our wayward ones the way it is supposed to be. But it is the reality we have right now. I’m so sorry. [/QUOTE]
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