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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740225" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>We don't know, now, do we what he is using? He comes back each time with something new.</p><p></p><p>I don't think M would agree to have him back using the marijuana. It would probably mean the end of our relationship. My son is really, really debased, on the pot. He weaves when he walks. He can't even hold himself up. He is going down, down.</p><p></p><p>While I like the concept of no conditions, my fear is that I would be participating in his self-destruction. Yes. If he stays at the other house and I am not involved with him, my emotions are more controllable.</p><p></p><p>But he does not want to pay rent, or if at all, a little, he paid maybe $1000 in two years total. That means all of his SSI goes to bad stuff.</p><p></p><p>He used to be a health nut. Now he lives on tobacco, pot, nicotine stuff, caffeine pills, junk food, energy drinks and supplements. This is the lifestyle I would be subsidizing. And then there is the issue of his non-compliance with medical treatment for his liver. I would feel like I was watching him die. Really. I have no control here. None at all.</p><p></p><p>If I said, pay me rent, he might one month; but then the tug of war would start again. I am asking a very nominal amount, $350 for everything for a two bedroom apartment. He could have handled it easily because he gets more than $900 a month. All of this misery for him, is because he did not want to pay rent.</p><p></p><p>If I accept that nothing I do will influence him to help himself; and nothing I can do will influence to treat me with reciprocity; and the only thing I can do to help him feel better is to give him a crash pad to use all of his money for marijuana, is that the right thing to do?</p><p></p><p>The reason it is not a solution to ease my anxiety is because of this: I am afraid to die. I had hoped he could make progress so I would not be afraid to die. I will have to leave an attorney as an administrator. It will cost maybe $1500 a month in fees, to have the money protected so he does not blow it all in a month, like he did my mother's money (2 weeks.)</p><p></p><p>So. Giving him a crash pad, with no conditions. Makes me have to accept this will not get better.</p><p></p><p>I wish I was an alcoholic. So I could drink.</p><p></p><p>But I will talk to m about your idea swot. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740225, member: 18958"] We don't know, now, do we what he is using? He comes back each time with something new. I don't think M would agree to have him back using the marijuana. It would probably mean the end of our relationship. My son is really, really debased, on the pot. He weaves when he walks. He can't even hold himself up. He is going down, down. While I like the concept of no conditions, my fear is that I would be participating in his self-destruction. Yes. If he stays at the other house and I am not involved with him, my emotions are more controllable. But he does not want to pay rent, or if at all, a little, he paid maybe $1000 in two years total. That means all of his SSI goes to bad stuff. He used to be a health nut. Now he lives on tobacco, pot, nicotine stuff, caffeine pills, junk food, energy drinks and supplements. This is the lifestyle I would be subsidizing. And then there is the issue of his non-compliance with medical treatment for his liver. I would feel like I was watching him die. Really. I have no control here. None at all. If I said, pay me rent, he might one month; but then the tug of war would start again. I am asking a very nominal amount, $350 for everything for a two bedroom apartment. He could have handled it easily because he gets more than $900 a month. All of this misery for him, is because he did not want to pay rent. If I accept that nothing I do will influence him to help himself; and nothing I can do will influence to treat me with reciprocity; and the only thing I can do to help him feel better is to give him a crash pad to use all of his money for marijuana, is that the right thing to do? The reason it is not a solution to ease my anxiety is because of this: I am afraid to die. I had hoped he could make progress so I would not be afraid to die. I will have to leave an attorney as an administrator. It will cost maybe $1500 a month in fees, to have the money protected so he does not blow it all in a month, like he did my mother's money (2 weeks.) So. Giving him a crash pad, with no conditions. Makes me have to accept this will not get better. I wish I was an alcoholic. So I could drink. But I will talk to m about your idea swot. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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