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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 740239" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Copa, I read that and made up my mind to cut her loose in other ways. It was a signal for me to work on emotional boundaries, because she knows how to “poke the bear”. What she wants right now has nothing to do with relationship or love, it is what she thinks she needs. If I cave to that, then I am allowing myself to become part of the game.</p><p>I did send her a cashiers check, because I felt it was within my means..... just a check, there was nothing more I could write. There was no response, no more phone calls. Then I received a letter, a poem of good memories, more Bible verses <em>and request for more money, a lot, $100.00. </em></p><p>Huh<em>. Um....no.</em></p><p>I found out Tornado was released a few days ago. I don’t know the details, and hope she has been released to treatment.</p><p>It is up to her what she does with the opportunity.</p><p>There is nothing I can do to fix or change her.</p><p>The same for Rain. She seems content to live as is.</p><p>I know I can’t and won’t house them anymore. I am cognizant that they don’t see me as “thou”. I am an “it” to them. So be it. I am not an “it”in my minds eye. I won’t be used, won’t support their drug habits, lied to, stolen from, abused. The degradation of living with that is far worse than letting go of the notion that I can control anything my two choose, or the consequences of their lifestyles. That if I put them up, that would bring about change. </p><p>It never did. </p><p></p><p>The difference between you and I is that I have three well children to look towards.</p><p>I have oft thought that it is way more difficult to have a <em>one and only </em>wayward child. One egg, in one basket. I am sorry for your heartache.</p><p>I see what M is trying to tell you. He is looking for solutions to comfort you, to ease your despair. That is really what it comes down to, what are you comfortable with? </p><p>At this moment, after this contact with your son, is your mind and heart really able to make a decision?</p><p>That has been the “game” with my two. They will say things that spin me into a frenzy, then I start thinking that I have to do something right this <em>second. </em>There, in that mindframe, I am working from panic mode, in a tailspin. Our adult kids know just how to incite this.</p><p>What if you just stepped outside of yourself, change the channel, take some time to breath and think things through.</p><p>Nothing needs to be done right away. You have time.</p><p>When I start to go down that road, I pray. I go out and work in my garden. Walk. The movement helps to calm me.</p><p>Find something to calm you and stop the tailspin. Get grounded. From there, you will be able to think things through.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 740239, member: 19522"] Copa, I read that and made up my mind to cut her loose in other ways. It was a signal for me to work on emotional boundaries, because she knows how to “poke the bear”. What she wants right now has nothing to do with relationship or love, it is what she thinks she needs. If I cave to that, then I am allowing myself to become part of the game. I did send her a cashiers check, because I felt it was within my means..... just a check, there was nothing more I could write. There was no response, no more phone calls. Then I received a letter, a poem of good memories, more Bible verses [I]and request for more money, a lot, $100.00. [/I] Huh[I]. Um....no.[/I] I found out Tornado was released a few days ago. I don’t know the details, and hope she has been released to treatment. It is up to her what she does with the opportunity. There is nothing I can do to fix or change her. The same for Rain. She seems content to live as is. I know I can’t and won’t house them anymore. I am cognizant that they don’t see me as “thou”. I am an “it” to them. So be it. I am not an “it”in my minds eye. I won’t be used, won’t support their drug habits, lied to, stolen from, abused. The degradation of living with that is far worse than letting go of the notion that I can control anything my two choose, or the consequences of their lifestyles. That if I put them up, that would bring about change. It never did. The difference between you and I is that I have three well children to look towards. I have oft thought that it is way more difficult to have a [I]one and only [/I]wayward child. One egg, in one basket. I am sorry for your heartache. I see what M is trying to tell you. He is looking for solutions to comfort you, to ease your despair. That is really what it comes down to, what are you comfortable with? At this moment, after this contact with your son, is your mind and heart really able to make a decision? That has been the “game” with my two. They will say things that spin me into a frenzy, then I start thinking that I have to do something right this [I]second. [/I]There, in that mindframe, I am working from panic mode, in a tailspin. Our adult kids know just how to incite this. What if you just stepped outside of yourself, change the channel, take some time to breath and think things through. Nothing needs to be done right away. You have time. When I start to go down that road, I pray. I go out and work in my garden. Walk. The movement helps to calm me. Find something to calm you and stop the tailspin. Get grounded. From there, you will be able to think things through. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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