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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740337" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>No. We have 3 pets and he loves them but that is it.</p><p></p><p>For him to be a parent, the usual way is to have a partner. He seems to have renounced this. He is very handsome and charming but he has Body Dysmorphic Disorder, centered on balding.</p><p></p><p>I am having a hard time. It is like I am operating as somebody who can be programmed. I can't reconcile your posts with Kalahou's. At the same time I am able to hear the wisdom of both of you. And Elsi's too. And because I can't reconcile the voices, I feel like there are deep crevices in me, because I am not operating from something deeply felt in me. Because I am warding it off.</p><p></p><p>I have such a deep grief.</p><p></p><p>I think my overtures to him were in some way manipulative. What I would want to say is: <em>What is going on? What are you doing? Wake up! Stop this. Please!</em> However illogical and even mean that would be, it would be a true voice from me. Another true voice would be, self-centered:<em> Your killing me. I can't stand this. Make this stop.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Believe me. I will not write from either one of these places but that is what would be true.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how you, Smithmom and Elsi, find that tranquil, peaceful, detached voice. And I guess that is the answer. You detach. And you recognize detachment is a process. We wax and wane, as Kalahou says. Or we relapse. And we have to, too, recover ourselves. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740337, member: 18958"] No. We have 3 pets and he loves them but that is it. For him to be a parent, the usual way is to have a partner. He seems to have renounced this. He is very handsome and charming but he has Body Dysmorphic Disorder, centered on balding. I am having a hard time. It is like I am operating as somebody who can be programmed. I can't reconcile your posts with Kalahou's. At the same time I am able to hear the wisdom of both of you. And Elsi's too. And because I can't reconcile the voices, I feel like there are deep crevices in me, because I am not operating from something deeply felt in me. Because I am warding it off. I have such a deep grief. I think my overtures to him were in some way manipulative. What I would want to say is: [I]What is going on? What are you doing? Wake up! Stop this. Please![/I] However illogical and even mean that would be, it would be a true voice from me. Another true voice would be, self-centered:[I] Your killing me. I can't stand this. Make this stop. [/I] Believe me. I will not write from either one of these places but that is what would be true. I do not know how you, Smithmom and Elsi, find that tranquil, peaceful, detached voice. And I guess that is the answer. You detach. And you recognize detachment is a process. We wax and wane, as Kalahou says. Or we relapse. And we have to, too, recover ourselves. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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