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<blockquote data-quote="Nature" data-source="post: 740347" data-attributes="member: 19011"><p>Hi Copa,.</p><p></p><p>I had the same worries as you when my kid was on the streets. I couldn't allow myself to be happy when my son was somewhere out there in the cold. Notice I said "I couldn't allow myself to be happy?" Yes, I took his problems on as my own but as a mom who'd want to see their child suffer? It was tortuous and heartbreaking. I took stress leave from work.</p><p></p><p>While I could never allow him in my home again I did place him and his friend in a motel for the coldest weeks. While it appeased my mind it didn't really work towards solving any of his issues. I thought a warm bath and a place to stay would make him more aware that his drug use had caused his homelessness and the discomfort of being in the cold. When my credit card was maxed out after a six week stay at the motel he and his friend lived in a tent. They were soaked daily as I live in the rainy Pacific Northwest. I purchased an old van so at least he and his friend could avoid the wet weather. Again more for my benefit than theirs in many ways. What at first seemed like a comfortable place to sleep became filled with junk he and his friend found on their dumpster diving forays so much junk!...rotten food, soiled clothes, the smell was horrific.</p><p></p><p>He was just falling deeper and deeper into his addiction as now that he didn't have rent to pay all his monies were spent on drugs. In a nutshell while it was helping me...it wasn't helping him. Saying all that nothing would have changed and I clearly remember watching him walk away from me on a particular day with such a strong feeling that he was dying. He body had become so skeletal, his face ravaged by his constant picking, ....I realized my help had only contributed to his increase in drugs. A mixed blessing as he did collapse on the street that evening...dying from sepsis and spent 2 wks in intensive care. If I hadn't purchased the van he would have perished in the woods that night as without a phone the ambulance probably wouldn't have found him. </p><p></p><p>Yet, it was a mixed blessing because without that happening he would not be on the road to recovery at this time. He was forced by circumstances to change. Now with clearer mindset he often talks about his life of hell on the street and how he never wants to be cold and hungry again. It's only been 3 months so too early to tell if this is really it. He's spent the last 10 years of his life on the street with short stints at my home and the last 15 addicted to some drug or another.</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to hijack your post with my long winded rambles of my son but I felt I needed to give you a background. Like you I didn't want to see my child suffer in the cold. I admit I enabled although I often said it was more for my benefit than his and I needed to know where he was for my own sanity. That is true. You love your son and would do anything in this world to save him. How often have we heard - if our love could save them it would. He is your child, your heart your love and because of that he has the ability to wound you like no other. You are not responsible for his choices and logically I think you know that, emotionally it's much harder to deal with as his words cut through you like a knife. I wish I had the right answers for you but know I understand every emotion you are going through. No matter what your decision is I support you. Hugs from me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nature, post: 740347, member: 19011"] Hi Copa,. I had the same worries as you when my kid was on the streets. I couldn't allow myself to be happy when my son was somewhere out there in the cold. Notice I said "I couldn't allow myself to be happy?" Yes, I took his problems on as my own but as a mom who'd want to see their child suffer? It was tortuous and heartbreaking. I took stress leave from work. While I could never allow him in my home again I did place him and his friend in a motel for the coldest weeks. While it appeased my mind it didn't really work towards solving any of his issues. I thought a warm bath and a place to stay would make him more aware that his drug use had caused his homelessness and the discomfort of being in the cold. When my credit card was maxed out after a six week stay at the motel he and his friend lived in a tent. They were soaked daily as I live in the rainy Pacific Northwest. I purchased an old van so at least he and his friend could avoid the wet weather. Again more for my benefit than theirs in many ways. What at first seemed like a comfortable place to sleep became filled with junk he and his friend found on their dumpster diving forays so much junk!...rotten food, soiled clothes, the smell was horrific. He was just falling deeper and deeper into his addiction as now that he didn't have rent to pay all his monies were spent on drugs. In a nutshell while it was helping me...it wasn't helping him. Saying all that nothing would have changed and I clearly remember watching him walk away from me on a particular day with such a strong feeling that he was dying. He body had become so skeletal, his face ravaged by his constant picking, ....I realized my help had only contributed to his increase in drugs. A mixed blessing as he did collapse on the street that evening...dying from sepsis and spent 2 wks in intensive care. If I hadn't purchased the van he would have perished in the woods that night as without a phone the ambulance probably wouldn't have found him. Yet, it was a mixed blessing because without that happening he would not be on the road to recovery at this time. He was forced by circumstances to change. Now with clearer mindset he often talks about his life of hell on the street and how he never wants to be cold and hungry again. It's only been 3 months so too early to tell if this is really it. He's spent the last 10 years of his life on the street with short stints at my home and the last 15 addicted to some drug or another. I don't mean to hijack your post with my long winded rambles of my son but I felt I needed to give you a background. Like you I didn't want to see my child suffer in the cold. I admit I enabled although I often said it was more for my benefit than his and I needed to know where he was for my own sanity. That is true. You love your son and would do anything in this world to save him. How often have we heard - if our love could save them it would. He is your child, your heart your love and because of that he has the ability to wound you like no other. You are not responsible for his choices and logically I think you know that, emotionally it's much harder to deal with as his words cut through you like a knife. I wish I had the right answers for you but know I understand every emotion you are going through. No matter what your decision is I support you. Hugs from me. [/QUOTE]
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