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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740385" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Yes. At various times. When N was first in prison, and he was mad that I wouldn’t pay for a lawyer and do everything he asked. C five years ago when he had his DV charge and I wouldn’t bail him out. We were estranged for a while after that. S is very volatile and we go through periods of estrangement. They always come back, in time. But not because I have given in to their demands. Because I stood firm, but also let them know I would accept them back when they were ready. Giving into demands I have learned only leads to more demands. The relationship can only really heal when they are ready to come back just for the love and the relationship, not because they want something. They need to learn to see us something other than a means to an end for them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that’s the important thing. Keep planting the seeds. Or sometimes I think of it as leaving breadcrumbs, to lead them home from the forest when they are ready. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That’s all we really can control, isn’t it? Just ourselves. Our reactions. Our choices. We are allowed to be happy, even if they are not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740385, member: 23349"] Yes. At various times. When N was first in prison, and he was mad that I wouldn’t pay for a lawyer and do everything he asked. C five years ago when he had his DV charge and I wouldn’t bail him out. We were estranged for a while after that. S is very volatile and we go through periods of estrangement. They always come back, in time. But not because I have given in to their demands. Because I stood firm, but also let them know I would accept them back when they were ready. Giving into demands I have learned only leads to more demands. The relationship can only really heal when they are ready to come back just for the love and the relationship, not because they want something. They need to learn to see us something other than a means to an end for them. I think that’s the important thing. Keep planting the seeds. Or sometimes I think of it as leaving breadcrumbs, to lead them home from the forest when they are ready. That’s all we really can control, isn’t it? Just ourselves. Our reactions. Our choices. We are allowed to be happy, even if they are not. [/QUOTE]
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