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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 740410" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>I haven't spent a ton of time on the boards lately, having been really busy with various things and not really needing counsel myself. Really, I truly have a bit of superstition that I'll jinx myself if I spend time here, and will be back in, well, your shoes. But I do lurk and I do read and try to keep up with everyone and I do care...</p><p></p><p>I've read this whole thread through and the one thing I cut to quote was this:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's the single, simplest, truest statement I've seen. </p><p></p><p>Dear, dear Copa, you can't control this. You can't change any thing about him at all. </p><p></p><p>I'm going to say what others have said to me, including you. He's a grown man. He CAN find shelter from the cold. He CAN find food. I suspect his texts are done purposely. This is the same man who squatted in your yard until you had to take legal action. I suspect his "leave me alone" and "I'm going to die" is done with a goal in mind...he's waiting for you to become desperate enough to tell him to come home. </p><p></p><p>You can certainly offer your apartment if he's willing to be clean and sober while he's there - but you can't make him accept and you can't enforce his sobriety if he comes. You could offer it no strings attached, as you've done before, but you have also ended up in the same situation - with a lack of control over his life that makes you nuts. When has ANY of your help with lodging worked out? Any of the options for YOU to take FOR him, would take you to a path you've been down so many times before. </p><p></p><p>I'm certainly in no position to judge or to offer sage advice. But the one thing I learned from this board is that the only person you can change, is you. The only person you can control is you. You are one of the many people who helped me see that. </p><p></p><p>I agree with those who said, give him hope. But that doesn't mean constant texts. Every couple days, send an I love you. He already knows that the door is open to your home if he takes the proper steps of getting and staying clean, and asking. He knows you'll say yes if he does the work first. The rest HAS to be up to him. </p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 740410, member: 17309"] Copa, I haven't spent a ton of time on the boards lately, having been really busy with various things and not really needing counsel myself. Really, I truly have a bit of superstition that I'll jinx myself if I spend time here, and will be back in, well, your shoes. But I do lurk and I do read and try to keep up with everyone and I do care... I've read this whole thread through and the one thing I cut to quote was this: That's the single, simplest, truest statement I've seen. Dear, dear Copa, you can't control this. You can't change any thing about him at all. I'm going to say what others have said to me, including you. He's a grown man. He CAN find shelter from the cold. He CAN find food. I suspect his texts are done purposely. This is the same man who squatted in your yard until you had to take legal action. I suspect his "leave me alone" and "I'm going to die" is done with a goal in mind...he's waiting for you to become desperate enough to tell him to come home. You can certainly offer your apartment if he's willing to be clean and sober while he's there - but you can't make him accept and you can't enforce his sobriety if he comes. You could offer it no strings attached, as you've done before, but you have also ended up in the same situation - with a lack of control over his life that makes you nuts. When has ANY of your help with lodging worked out? Any of the options for YOU to take FOR him, would take you to a path you've been down so many times before. I'm certainly in no position to judge or to offer sage advice. But the one thing I learned from this board is that the only person you can change, is you. The only person you can control is you. You are one of the many people who helped me see that. I agree with those who said, give him hope. But that doesn't mean constant texts. Every couple days, send an I love you. He already knows that the door is open to your home if he takes the proper steps of getting and staying clean, and asking. He knows you'll say yes if he does the work first. The rest HAS to be up to him. :staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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