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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740474" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Lil. I appreciate your caring and your wisdom.</p><p></p><p>The texts started again. Today he sent this:</p><p> </p><p><em>Weeks later J became ill. Then he wasted away and died. A fantastic last sentence of a book, don't you think?</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>And more dramatic texts after, inferring suicide and the end, all with the same martyr, victim, passive tone.</p><p></p><p>Finally, I texted: <em>What do you want? </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>He responds:</p><p></p><p><em>I want a home! A base from where I can start turning things around! Nothing can be accomplished living like this. A pathetic indigent walking around for all to see! I'll pay you $500 a month! Not even H (his best friend for 20 years) has time to hang out with me anymore! All of this because I came up short of some money!</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I respond: <em>To be in 20th you need to be completely drug free and in recovery, with the commitment from day one to stay clean and to be productive. You need a program in my opinion.</em></p><p></p><p>He responds: <em>Like I said, goodbye.</em></p><p><em>____</em></p><p>He is not taking any responsibility. He chose to use all of his money on marijuana. To the point of stupor. We gave him two years, where in the entire period he paid $1000 in rent and utilities--in two years. He did not one thing to become sober or to be productive, that he was not pushed to do.</p><p></p><p>It is clear to me, too, (duh) he is using these suicide threats to manipulate and frighten me. It just makes me NOT want him back here. M is weakening. I told him: I do not want to be responsible to enforce an illusory recovery. He has to demonstrate a commitment to a recovery before he comes anywhere near me. M wanted to tell him: <em>get clean and we will drug test everyday. NO!!!!</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I won't be responsible. I won't be the enforcer. NO. He needs a 6 month program. To even talk about coming home.</em></p><p></p><p>He is being very cruel. The threats. The rejection. Calling me by my name.</p><p></p><p>He is deceiving himself that a house and a family will give him what he needs to turn this around. It never did. He does not get it. Or if he does, he is trying to deflect responsibility onto me.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, this is really painful to me. I feel beaten up. I do not want to receive these cruel texts.</p><p></p><p>He does not want to take any responsibility at all.</p><p></p><p>Do I block him? I don't want to, but I want this to stop. He is beating me up and I am letting him. Or should I tell him to communicate with M, who he has not contacted in 10 weeks?</p><p></p><p>I wrote to him:<em> I feel beaten up. If you walk to talk, please call M.</em></p><p></p><p>I kind of hate my son.</p><p></p><p>His latest text says he does not blame me, just his birth mom.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740474, member: 18958"] Thank you Lil. I appreciate your caring and your wisdom. The texts started again. Today he sent this: [I]Weeks later J became ill. Then he wasted away and died. A fantastic last sentence of a book, don't you think? [/I] And more dramatic texts after, inferring suicide and the end, all with the same martyr, victim, passive tone. Finally, I texted: [I]What do you want? [/I] He responds: [I]I want a home! A base from where I can start turning things around! Nothing can be accomplished living like this. A pathetic indigent walking around for all to see! I'll pay you $500 a month! Not even H (his best friend for 20 years) has time to hang out with me anymore! All of this because I came up short of some money! [/I] I respond: [I]To be in 20th you need to be completely drug free and in recovery, with the commitment from day one to stay clean and to be productive. You need a program in my opinion.[/I] He responds: [I]Like I said, goodbye. ____[/I] He is not taking any responsibility. He chose to use all of his money on marijuana. To the point of stupor. We gave him two years, where in the entire period he paid $1000 in rent and utilities--in two years. He did not one thing to become sober or to be productive, that he was not pushed to do. It is clear to me, too, (duh) he is using these suicide threats to manipulate and frighten me. It just makes me NOT want him back here. M is weakening. I told him: I do not want to be responsible to enforce an illusory recovery. He has to demonstrate a commitment to a recovery before he comes anywhere near me. M wanted to tell him: [I]get clean and we will drug test everyday. NO!!!! I won't be responsible. I won't be the enforcer. NO. He needs a 6 month program. To even talk about coming home.[/I] He is being very cruel. The threats. The rejection. Calling me by my name. He is deceiving himself that a house and a family will give him what he needs to turn this around. It never did. He does not get it. Or if he does, he is trying to deflect responsibility onto me. But the thing is, this is really painful to me. I feel beaten up. I do not want to receive these cruel texts. He does not want to take any responsibility at all. Do I block him? I don't want to, but I want this to stop. He is beating me up and I am letting him. Or should I tell him to communicate with M, who he has not contacted in 10 weeks? I wrote to him:[I] I feel beaten up. If you walk to talk, please call M.[/I] I kind of hate my son. His latest text says he does not blame me, just his birth mom. [I] [/I] [/QUOTE]
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