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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740957" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I truly think my son at least (and my father and my mother regarding myself) dont realize they are being mean. They think or thought we deserve this treatment and that because we deserve it, it is not on them at all. I could add my sister to that too but i think she was more aware, although she was truly shocked that I had finally had enough of her treatment.</p><p></p><p>The difference with you and me is that we know we were not always right and that we made mistakes. I could have let my mother call me names and demean me rather than sometimes giving it back. There is never an excuse for being mean. Not even because it is done to you. I could have let her go rather than getting all hurt and fighting back.</p><p></p><p>My father was easier for me to deal with as is Bart. They are/were so alike. My father was abusive to everyone and said things few say to their children. To anyone. Sometimes I gave it back to him. I didnt have to. I could have put up with it or gone very low contact. I did not always make good choices. He honestly felt he was always right and we deserved his wrath. So does Bart.</p><p></p><p>My sister I should have cut off the second time she called the police rather than gotten into it with her. The part where i tried a tit for a tat is on me.</p><p></p><p>I have felt the guilt even to my childhiid but worked on it in therapy. But I knew and wanted to do better.</p><p></p><p>Some people dont know when they are being wrong and dont understand every single relationship is a two way street. I will come back to Bart. He truly, truly believes the universe conspires against his happiness. He has said so. It truly does not occur to my son that he is in charge of his own life. And if anyone gives suggestions that may help him, he truly is overly offended because he believes his bad life is out of his hands. That he has no good options. It is sad, really. He believes I need to let him rant swear abuse and threaten because he is stressed. And nobody else is aas stressed as him because his stress involves custody of his child. But there are ways even this could be smoother for him. He just doesnt believe itbor maybe is so used to stress that he needs to feel it.</p><p></p><p>Thinking errors .addressed so well in CBT. But he wont go to CBT or even read a book about it.</p><p></p><p>Copa I do not know your son or if he too believes he is in a hopeless situation so that he needs to be allowed to do what he does. You would know better than me. I do know that you are kind and empathetic and know when you were wrong and splatter yourself with guilt, like I do, although I am better now. I allow myself to have acted human. And I dont care anymore about what I did when I was a mentally ill and abused child.</p><p></p><p>I also dont really blame people for how they feel they must behave .i vent here. But Bart is Bart. My parents were who they were. I am who I am. I am grateful that I have insight. Not everyone does.</p><p></p><p>Love and light and may G-d touch your tired soul and bring you peace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740957, member: 1550"] I truly think my son at least (and my father and my mother regarding myself) dont realize they are being mean. They think or thought we deserve this treatment and that because we deserve it, it is not on them at all. I could add my sister to that too but i think she was more aware, although she was truly shocked that I had finally had enough of her treatment. The difference with you and me is that we know we were not always right and that we made mistakes. I could have let my mother call me names and demean me rather than sometimes giving it back. There is never an excuse for being mean. Not even because it is done to you. I could have let her go rather than getting all hurt and fighting back. My father was easier for me to deal with as is Bart. They are/were so alike. My father was abusive to everyone and said things few say to their children. To anyone. Sometimes I gave it back to him. I didnt have to. I could have put up with it or gone very low contact. I did not always make good choices. He honestly felt he was always right and we deserved his wrath. So does Bart. My sister I should have cut off the second time she called the police rather than gotten into it with her. The part where i tried a tit for a tat is on me. I have felt the guilt even to my childhiid but worked on it in therapy. But I knew and wanted to do better. Some people dont know when they are being wrong and dont understand every single relationship is a two way street. I will come back to Bart. He truly, truly believes the universe conspires against his happiness. He has said so. It truly does not occur to my son that he is in charge of his own life. And if anyone gives suggestions that may help him, he truly is overly offended because he believes his bad life is out of his hands. That he has no good options. It is sad, really. He believes I need to let him rant swear abuse and threaten because he is stressed. And nobody else is aas stressed as him because his stress involves custody of his child. But there are ways even this could be smoother for him. He just doesnt believe itbor maybe is so used to stress that he needs to feel it. Thinking errors .addressed so well in CBT. But he wont go to CBT or even read a book about it. Copa I do not know your son or if he too believes he is in a hopeless situation so that he needs to be allowed to do what he does. You would know better than me. I do know that you are kind and empathetic and know when you were wrong and splatter yourself with guilt, like I do, although I am better now. I allow myself to have acted human. And I dont care anymore about what I did when I was a mentally ill and abused child. I also dont really blame people for how they feel they must behave .i vent here. But Bart is Bart. My parents were who they were. I am who I am. I am grateful that I have insight. Not everyone does. Love and light and may G-d touch your tired soul and bring you peace [/QUOTE]
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