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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742161" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa we have been friends for a long time. We shared deep, hard secrets in FOO and you helped me heal. I wish you and Else and I could go out for coffee roght now!! I give you a virtual hug!!</p><p></p><p>I am over the moon that J called and sounded very willing to work with you AND M. I do believe that once you are close again he will be more willing to listen to you and not feel as if he has to do it his way. The rebellion thing. He will at least talk to you. So great!!</p><p></p><p>Copa even my very well adusted child Jumper has told me that being adopted is a challenge. Now I KNOW she is crazy sbout us. She did not mean it to insult us. But during her middle school years, when she was, like all kids, trying to figure out who she is, she said something interesting.</p><p></p><p>"Adoption should be considered a special need."</p><p></p><p>I hugged her and tried to ask more but she said not much. I don't think she could define it other than that it can be hard.</p><p></p><p> Jumper had texted her birthmother during that more difficult time (our permission) and she seems fine and very attached to us, but I think that such a well balanced tween saying that means that there IS more to finding your identity if one is adopted. She is fortunate that I love her birthmom and she was able to contact her when she needed to. I hope we all meet again.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion adoption is an extra, confusing layer of growing up without seeing who you look like and why adopted kids are more in therapy and jail than others percentage wise. These are facts.</p><p></p><p>But Jumper, Sonic and Princess overcame it and are not struggling with criminal behavior and neither is J. I think adopted kids feel easily abandoned so we need to be careful NOT to abandon them. We (both my hubs and I) did not adopt kids thinking that it would necessarily be easy. And with Goneboy and the foster kid who did bad to our littles, adopting kids ended up very challenging but I would adopt again. I would not give up my other three for anything. Anyone. Ten biological kids (I dont consider biology better). I woyld do it again and again to have them.</p><p></p><p>But I am very mindful of never making my angels feel abandoned or not part of us. Like you, my kids are my heart and loves of my life. I would add that to me THEY are my people, my DNA, my flesh and blood...they are a part of me that I carry forever. I suspect you feel the same about J. So I get it. Your connection. His need to feel loved and wanted. But his adoption fear of abandonment.</p><p></p><p>J probably wants go desperately be a part of you. I feel as though you two have an everlasting connection. I also feel that this is the start of better things for you two. I know you love M, but I wouldnt let him destroy this bond, your only family. People with huge support systems may not get it. But I think I do.</p><p></p><p>Im so happy J called! That made my day!!!</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!! To my friend from your friend <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742161, member: 1550"] Copa we have been friends for a long time. We shared deep, hard secrets in FOO and you helped me heal. I wish you and Else and I could go out for coffee roght now!! I give you a virtual hug!! I am over the moon that J called and sounded very willing to work with you AND M. I do believe that once you are close again he will be more willing to listen to you and not feel as if he has to do it his way. The rebellion thing. He will at least talk to you. So great!! Copa even my very well adusted child Jumper has told me that being adopted is a challenge. Now I KNOW she is crazy sbout us. She did not mean it to insult us. But during her middle school years, when she was, like all kids, trying to figure out who she is, she said something interesting. "Adoption should be considered a special need." I hugged her and tried to ask more but she said not much. I don't think she could define it other than that it can be hard. Jumper had texted her birthmother during that more difficult time (our permission) and she seems fine and very attached to us, but I think that such a well balanced tween saying that means that there IS more to finding your identity if one is adopted. She is fortunate that I love her birthmom and she was able to contact her when she needed to. I hope we all meet again. in my opinion adoption is an extra, confusing layer of growing up without seeing who you look like and why adopted kids are more in therapy and jail than others percentage wise. These are facts. But Jumper, Sonic and Princess overcame it and are not struggling with criminal behavior and neither is J. I think adopted kids feel easily abandoned so we need to be careful NOT to abandon them. We (both my hubs and I) did not adopt kids thinking that it would necessarily be easy. And with Goneboy and the foster kid who did bad to our littles, adopting kids ended up very challenging but I would adopt again. I would not give up my other three for anything. Anyone. Ten biological kids (I dont consider biology better). I woyld do it again and again to have them. But I am very mindful of never making my angels feel abandoned or not part of us. Like you, my kids are my heart and loves of my life. I would add that to me THEY are my people, my DNA, my flesh and blood...they are a part of me that I carry forever. I suspect you feel the same about J. So I get it. Your connection. His need to feel loved and wanted. But his adoption fear of abandonment. J probably wants go desperately be a part of you. I feel as though you two have an everlasting connection. I also feel that this is the start of better things for you two. I know you love M, but I wouldnt let him destroy this bond, your only family. People with huge support systems may not get it. But I think I do. Im so happy J called! That made my day!!! Hugs!!! To my friend from your friend :) [/QUOTE]
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