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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 742209" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Copa - Just want you to know I am thinking of you and following along. I am glad J got in touch and you are talking and thinking things through. It seems to me you are thinking clearly about what you need to do for your own peace of mind and sanity and that is most important. As a mother you want and need to do what you can to keep him as safe as you can given his mental illness challenges and his non compliance with any real rules or restrictions.</p><p></p><p>I really dont know what to say about the pot issue. My experience with our son was trying to put restrictions on drug use was a lost cause.... we stopped worrying about pot a lot time ago.... we did make it clear we did not want illegal drugs in our home for a whole host of reasons but he did not even respect that when he got into heroin. I do think in general it is good to remember you have no control over his drug use and trying to control it doesnt get you anywhere and just adds tension. I do think it is better to focus on other behaviors..... I know for us it is the other behaviors that are key...... </p><p></p><p>I know early on in the thread you mentioned not wanting to feel like you are enabling him forever...... and sometimes I think we get caught up in that language. Other people can tell us (rather smugly I might add) that we are enabling our kids.... and ultimately we have to do first what is best for us and sometimes doing what is best for us is doing what is best for them and other people cant tell us what that is. You understand your sons challenges and limitations better than anyone else and so go with your instincts and trust your gut on this.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 742209, member: 15801"] Copa - Just want you to know I am thinking of you and following along. I am glad J got in touch and you are talking and thinking things through. It seems to me you are thinking clearly about what you need to do for your own peace of mind and sanity and that is most important. As a mother you want and need to do what you can to keep him as safe as you can given his mental illness challenges and his non compliance with any real rules or restrictions. I really dont know what to say about the pot issue. My experience with our son was trying to put restrictions on drug use was a lost cause.... we stopped worrying about pot a lot time ago.... we did make it clear we did not want illegal drugs in our home for a whole host of reasons but he did not even respect that when he got into heroin. I do think in general it is good to remember you have no control over his drug use and trying to control it doesnt get you anywhere and just adds tension. I do think it is better to focus on other behaviors..... I know for us it is the other behaviors that are key...... I know early on in the thread you mentioned not wanting to feel like you are enabling him forever...... and sometimes I think we get caught up in that language. Other people can tell us (rather smugly I might add) that we are enabling our kids.... and ultimately we have to do first what is best for us and sometimes doing what is best for us is doing what is best for them and other people cant tell us what that is. You understand your sons challenges and limitations better than anyone else and so go with your instincts and trust your gut on this. TL [/QUOTE]
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