It sounds as though you waited and listened to him for quite a long time before offering advice. So you have been that sounding board that didn't judge, criticize or "fix" him and his family. It finally became too much of an issue for you to stay silent on, so you let him know your opinion. Chances are his words asked for your opinion when what he watned was your sympathy and "poor you, nephew takes such advantage of you and you are such a good man for not letting him be homeless and hungry or in jail, you are such a good person, dear saint martyr!"
I hope you pointed out that nephew is spending his $$ and doing nothing for grandnephew with it. That would be a tough thing for me - I would have to tell him that I would kick the son out and use the money to support the grandchild.
Whatever you said, he will not be happy with you as you did not tell him what he wanted to hear. Sending him to a professional is an excellent move and Star is largely right - esp about how to do it.
THis is just in my opinion, and I am NOT an expert on relationships by any means.
Bad as I am with this sort of thing, I would still likely have told brother in law I thought he was a real jerk for continuing to support the son and prevent him from growing up and accepting any kind of responsibility - and for not supporting the grandson instead of his son (unless he does support the child financially and emotionally). But you are likely not as rash with words as I am!
